There's not enough rain in Oklahoma to wash the sins out of that house.
So here I hide motionless like a dead mouse.
I began silent and died silent.
I began pale and unable, unwilling, to breath.
Now again I feel anxiety making it impossible to breath.
I thought I was making improvement.
I thought maybe for once in my life there was a chance I wasn't going to have to take meds the rest of my life to keep me alive.
That ship sailed.
I didn't take them yesterday and I already feel pain.
I feel the anxiety.
I feel the waves pushing me under.
I'm drowning again.
Mom says I need to take my meds.
I know I need to.
Sometimes I just forget.
The next day I am flung high into the sky then pushed down under the waves to the deepest parts of the ocean.
Here I will stay for a little.