I've had a handful of relationships

Along with a few lovers too

Yet I'm not fulfilled
I crave the knowledge of passion desire gut wrecking ****** awaking

I can write stories that would set you on fire and have you begging for release

I can speak on countless times
I've allowed my body to explode in an ******* haze

So what?

Yup I've said it - SO WHAT?

I wanna know what it is to loose myself in our love making to be completely submissive to my body's cravings and allow myself to be caught up in the rapture of *******!

I have so many times allowed myself to have ***

You on top or I'm on top
We'll try some new postilions
yet all the while we're doing this; I'm thinking of what to cook or did I past my finals  and/or I'm fantasying about the way it could be

Silly me I'm no **** star yet I've watched a few and "acting" as they are - it seems like they have a clue on what it means to really let one's self go

I wanna know how to do the same

I want you to talked ***** to me (ONLY when We're doing this)
Call me out my name sometimes tell me whose it is

I want to be held down tightly as you ****** deep inside
I want my mind to be there too

I want my soul to scream out when I do
I want my body to convulse and shake -without feeling judge or laughed at

it happens  because I've heard storied
Even if it's yet to happen to me I fear it can happen.

I want to  be free to explore my wild side and truly let go of all inhibitions

I wanna be devoured by you
whom ever you may be
since
I'm on my own currently
and
I have no plans to seek out a relationship

YET

I still would like to try to have a lover -
that's something I've yet to do
We always ended up in a long term relationship
or
I end up married to him

Maybe having a lover isn't for me
but the other stuff  
most definitely is all for me

I wanna be lust after and desired so much so that he's almost stalker-like for me
but
he'd be wanted
unlike the current stalker out here
bothering me

I wanna know what its like to be truly concurred
*******
stripped down and have him make me feel
so alive in and out of the bed room

I wanna know what it's like to ride his face or be turned upside down to be as I've heard it called grudge ****** until we loose all time and space
where our souls collide and we forget every single thing!

Maybe a simply relationship
that has all the benefits of lover's and we'd also be the best of friends

Guess it'll balance out some how
I want my fantasy to be my reality
Eat me lick me kiss me hard bend me flip me

put me up against the wall
**** me fast and make me cry lust  after me hurt me

but don't stop
I want hours on end
until we're spent and tired
yet
we'd take breaks
but keep it going

I know how to have *** and ***
even ****** or even at times fake it
for right now though
I just
Wanna Know!*
(is what I'm asking for too much or not realistic?)