Not often, but there are times when the noise in my head turns way up and the dial breaks off, and all I want is quiet, when I feel the pull of something terminal, feel the dark, velvety lure of swallowed pills or gun barrel, the stealthy seduction of carbon monoxide, the skull-exploding swan dive onto shocked concrete, the warm bath with low light and sharp blades. I can covet that big, simple answer, too, sometimes. I can long for that complete, forever silence. But I know I'm only window shopping.