i probably shouldn't
but i already have
so don't try to stop me now
i don't want to die anyhow
just trying to mask the hurt
it's been two years to the day
i feel no better
i feel no worse
i just know bile gathers in my throat
and tears well up in my eyes
and i still remember the phone call
when they told me you died
oh how i cried
how i still cry
we cry
as a community
you gave us immunity
to the bad
you proved God would prevail
we saw you stumble at times
but never did you fail
a dad
a brother
a friend
why did your life have to end?

and every time this year i can't sleep
just a pile of pillows at my feet
the alcohol just gave me a headache
so i move on to something stronger
as i wait for it to get easier
the night just gets longer
midnight strikes and the day is here
and you're still gone
dead
like a retired song
just when i thought my heart was healed
it's remained broken all along
come on friend
come back and laugh again
hug me like you used to
fill me with that everlasting life
the beauty of you
in this empty void of grievance
in that absence
***** and pills will have to do

i ain't proud, no
but you had to go
and that's okay
i will be alright
i will get through this day