It's that time of year again
Where the fat man comes around
He just lets himself right in
Through the chimney, coming down

He wears a blood red suit
And he has a great white beard
He's coming after you
I swear, he should be feared

My mom makes me leave cookies
For the fat man to enjoy
She says that if he likes me
He will leave me some new toys
But I know not to act naughty
Cuz he eats bad girls and boys

I don't like this fat monster
I don't want him to come here
But I'm still too unsure
How to make him disappear

I hear his echoed bellows
And his menacing chuckle
I must be rid of this fellow
So I thwomp his head with a shovel

But his skull is thick as a boulder
And it doesn't affect him at all
So he throws me over his shoulder
And slams me right into the wall

And the blow breaks all of my bones
It's making my insides bleed
Just as I think I'm left alone
He whispers "You're just what I need."

So he starts ripping me into pieces
And he smiles as blood sprays his face
He's as red as an aborted fetus
As more and more of my blood sprays

He stitches me up to look pretty
Just like a beautiful doll
And maybe to you, this sounds ******
But it's been the best Christmas of all