It was stupid.
Waves crashed and the wind was cold.
I shivered and i wanted to change my mind
could i back out now
I grabbed the hand next to me and we ran and we jumped
it was fast but slow
the air was cold for a second until the water hit.
there was no feeling
I was under the water
thinking was gone and my lungs did the talking screaming to my mind
“get up get out you
air, now, now”
i open my eyes and i can see black and blue and the water is over my head
the bubbles and curls and waves of the water break away as my head is pushed up.
i gasp at the air and fill my lungs with the hot gas of life.
my limbs and body have become weights
but i dont sink
I push my body through the water and it takes all the strength i have
when i reach the ladder I grasp with a hand i cannot feel i stand with my feet and the journey up that ladder takes two lifetimes
then i'm up
it is the coldest i have ever felt
I run and i breathe
you never know what being alive feels like until you feel like you are almost done being alive
it was very very stupid
suddenly everything was hot
air was hot
ground was hot
my skin
my eyes
my dripping wet hair
hot hot hot
hours passed of feeling hot and cold and  breathing
it's strange to think that something so stupid made me feel so strong