I'm so tired of where I am,
But I'm terrified that leaving would be to rip my heart out
And still beg for it to beat.
I can't find a better way to love myself
Than to hate someone else,
And I'm so scared that I will never bleed any color other than red—
That I'll never breathe deeply enough
To fill the empty spaces you left in my lungs.
I may be running away,
But running means you still care, and
**** it, I do.
I may not know where I'm going,
But I know what I've lost,
And I refuse to believe that the light that burned so brightly in my eyes
Will forever be smoke.
Why can't I be happy?
Please, just let me be happy.