I feel strange... I am alone, in this moment, but I do have friends. A handful, at least.

Loneliness had become such a huge part of my life before. Now I have people who show me that they care and I am glad.

But I still miss her body in the night... I stretch in my bed and do not feel her next to me... I feel nothing. I feel as though I have nothing. I am nothing. I am no one.

But I have friends now, yes, I have friends ! So I won't cry over a mess that I made for myself... I got myself into this, after all.

I only have myself to blame, but nowadays it seems like more than just my own fingers pointing to myself, shoving themselves down my throat...

Now I am gasping for a single breath to breathe, because I breathe, but I do not live. I survive, but I do not experience. I don't really feel anything and I am glad.

All I feel is strange... All I have is friendship... All I need is friendship. I just need my friends.