I dreamt of her again last night.
                              Time heals all wounds.
It's been a while since I've relived
her in my sleep so I guess that's
partially true. But only partially,
because the shattering of my heart has
yet to lessen with each awakening.
                              This year makes five.
Five years later and I'm still trying
to learn how to live without her.
Who do you confide in when the one
you ran to is the person taken so
suddenly from you? In my dreams
she comes alive once more. Not a mere
memory, but a smiling, laughing,
breathing being. I get to experience
her presence for just a few precious
moments. Upon waking I'm smiling,
having just spent time with my best
and closest friend. For about five
seconds the illusion remains before
it crashes down around me, and
I'm left looking at the shards remaining.
The more desperately I try to pick
them up, the deeper I am cut.  
                               It hit me like a ton of bricks.
This saying at least, holds true.
It's a cruel reality having to relive
that moment you learn of your loss.
So I'm left to myself, curled up and
clutching my chest from the pain of
losing her all over again, crying heavy
sobs from the depths of my soul.
When it's over and I've been able to
compose myself, carefully replace all
of my pieces, I'm able to be thankful.
The pain is terrible, yes, but something
I've lived with for years. It never
lessens, we just become better at
bearing it. But to have those few
moments of living with her again,
even if only in my dream world, well,
anyone who has ever lost someone
will tell you that they would give
just about anything for the chance
to see the persons face again.
                              *The pain is worth pleasure.