there i was
worried
about coming home
to an empty space
filled with two cats
and memories i can’t erase.

i made it home
i was benzo’d out.

i did the dishes
catching myself
from the ***** soap water
repeating the things
distract and relax
that's what the crazies said

here i am, in my head
saying it too
am i crazy
or am i just living dead

so i vacuum
and say it again
i can cope,
panic doesn’t ****

does this make me crazy
that i say these things
to keep me calm
to distract and relax
my mind knowing that
**i’m all alone