I watch my best friend's heart break  in front of me.
I watch the way her shoulders roll forward, as if she's hoping her spine will break through her skin.
She wants to be the one to stab her back this time.

And though I can hear the remains of her once perfect heart rattling through her ribcage,
Some part of her still won't let go.
I always rolled my eyes at her confidence, but now I'm left wondering where the hell it went.
She ******* knows better.
I know she does.

She asks me what she should do, and in that moment I want to grab her shoulders.  
I want to beg her.
Beg her not to do this to herself.
Tell her she deserves better.
**** that
I want to scream it at her.
So loud in her face that it echoes out her ears.
I want to yell "**** him"at the top of my lungs.
Because no matter what he says
No one will ever LOVE HER as much as SHE DOES.

I want to show her every scar on my body.
Lift the curtain on the childhood she didn't get to see on our play dates.  
I want to walk her through my memories,
let her feel the regret,
let her feel the way I screamed at 4 in the morning.
I want her to hear the sound of no one answering.

I want her to see loneliness through my eyes.
Feel the hard thud of settling.
To finally know what it's like to rot alone in a casket while you're breathing into your lover's neck.

I want her to know my pain,
in the hopes she will run as fast as she can in the opposite direction.
so that maybe she wont end up like me,
at least not yet.

So when she asks me what she should do,
I tell her
"I should've ran."