Some one should have told me not to go this far.
At the first stages of this obsession, It was just the same
Just the same as any pre-teen curiosity
I was a curious little one, I suppose.

But as usual, I have to work for what I want,
Nothing ever comes easy
But I suppose I like it that way
Or I did

I wanted this
Wanted it so badly
Just like any other human
I wanted to be special
How disgustingly selfish

I wanted the titles
The magic
"Witch,
Psychic,
Magic,
Medium"

I read the books
I tried and tried
And then I fell in love

I guess that was the key
I got what I wanted
Now all I have to do is protect it.

But no kid should have to suffer through this
Cry at night because the world is so pointless
Hate being human so much

I never thought
That all I would long for
Is to be selfless  
To love unconditionally

No matter how hard I fight
I will always be
A selfish
                  Hateful
                              ­  Lusting
                                               Malicious
                                                       ­         Worthless
                                              ­                                     Pointless human
Just like everyone
Living life for their own satisfaction
Nothing else

I hate myself.
I want to stop existing.
I want to go back to blissful ignorance.

I am so ashamed
I should have known
I cannot control human nature

I am so ashamed
That I am so weak
I can't control my desire to be special
Or my "dark side"
Or admit that that dark side is just a figment
*So people will pay attention to me.