My hands were shaking before I could even process why. But the tears didn't start falling until I drove through the intersection where you said you never wanted that light to turn green because you couldn't stand taking your eyes off me.

And then the tears wouldn't stop and I was out of control and I had to turn the music down low because the melody was reminding me of the way you used to sway and so I'm pulling over on the highway taking deep breaths and remembering the way you would calm me down when I was a mess.

And you would cover my jumpy foot under the table with yours and catch my eye in a room full of people and even though I was about to burst into flames one look from your concerned face would make my heart rate steady and I’m back in control and you give me a little smile like you know where I go in those moments of total alone.

But I’m alone in this car trapped in the memories with no look to steady me and no foot under the table to remind me there would be better days.

-
There was snow on the trees and the ice was frozen over, but it was still the same drive we took the day you looked over at me and said, ”Would you curse me out more or less if I kissed you right before I left?” and I said, “Depends on the kiss.” And you leaned in and everything was okay for the first time in a long time, everything was okay.