she was not beautiful

she was the sun coming up
  on an early morning

she was the bloom of
        an april flower

she was the stars shining
  brightly through the midnight sky

she was the rainbow
  after the rain

she was the smile
  on my face that would
    never seem to go
      away.

'beautiful is just too over used, to describe her, so he used these words insead.'

My heart is pounding. I’m cold.

Should’ve worn a jacket instead of trying to impress someone who doesn’t even care enough about you to stop dragging you over the gravel of their soul. *******.

I didn’t eat lunch because I’m scared and confused and I don’t know how to feel even though I know I am feeling.

Stop.

And if human emotions—feelings—are such a normal thing and we feel them everyday then why do I feel so ashamed?

Because you shouldn’t feel the way you do. You’ll just get hurt.

But maybe I don’t care about the backlash of what I do now because it will only matter later, and later doesn’t matter because what is will be. I want to feel things now and be numb later because then I’ll at least be back to not caring what people say or how they treat me because anyone who’s attention I’ve wanted to get just rejects, regrets, forgets about me anyway.

You don’t need to be loved to feel love.

And I know you don’t need a person in your life, your thoughts, to get yourself to feel but I don’t care because I want to see a face when I think of love. I don’t care who it is, where they are, I just want to know that I feel—

You deserve more than this! If they hate you, degrade you, make you doubt yourself, then the way you think is no better than the way they act! They kiss their knuckles before they bruise your cheek, and they pray to God that they won’t feel guilty even though you’re the one who’s left bleeding! And I know you can’t help how you feel but you have to try because in the end you’ll just feel like ****, biting down on your lip to keep the sobs in while they watch you unravel but you’re still wrapped around their finger! And you have to let go, unravel yourself from their hold even though they’re letting you slip through their fingers and you’re still holding on! You have to let yourself go, because you want to feel but you’re pigeonholing what you allow in so only the things you know will starve you have perfect aim! You want to feel, but you’re not letting yourself feel true enough because you refuse to let go of what you want instead of looking for what you need!

*…Stop.

It's obvious the memory still lasts,
I tried making it last for days
But I thought it would eventually go away
A small insignificant detail,
I made it a subconscious want

I wanna talk to you
Like I'm yours and you're mine
Slow deep conversations
At two in the morning

Us traveling the world
Like we're birds in the breeze
Exploring all the bumps
And the cracks on Earth's face

Hearing your soft whispers
Say "I love you" at night
While the world is asleep
And enveloped in dark

Your lips and mine touching
As fireworks light the sky
Burning bright memories
In our lives' pages