Maybe I'd **** myself later
or tonight
or tomorrow
maybe even next week
or a month from now
or even a year.

But then that would mean
that all the ****
that I did
to start again
would be wasted.

So no,
I'm tired of running.
from this sick life,
and the stupid lemons it keeps throwing

Where the hell does it even get the lemons.

i want to get rich enough
to buy my mum all the things
she deserves
a nice house, an expensive car,
elegant dresses, fancy perfume

i want to be smart enough
to be able to get a scholarship
and study at the best college i can get into

i want to be mature enough
to understand that love doesn't last
yet i can love you like i have a thousand souls

i want to be stable enough
both financially, and mentally
so i can take my mother and my sister
to a place where they'll never have to struggle

i want to be forgiving enough
so i can visit my father
and bring him all the things he needs
just because i can

i want so much in life,
but most of all
*i want to be happy first