Everything was fine yesterday 
But today I need to sing the blues
When I woke up this morning
The sun was a little bit dimmer
The birds were out of tune
Strangers seemed stranger
The buses were running late
In my mind nothing could go right
My own thoughts turned against me
Everything was out of order
A darker shade of blue
I couldn't tell you
What the difference was
Between yesterday and today
All I know is
Today I need to sing the blues
Because I have a song that needs to be heard
Or else all the notes
Will build up in my mind
And take over every inch of space
But you need to hear my song
So you know that your not the only one
Who sings the blues today

the lady has me temporarily off the bottle
and now the pecker stands up
better.
however, things change overnight--
instead of listening to Shostakovich and
Mozart through a smeared haze of smoke
the nights change, new
complexities:
we drive to Baskin-Robbins,
31 flavors:
Rocky Road, Bubble Gum, Apricot Ice, Strawberry
Cheesecake, Chocolate Mint...

we park outside and look at icecream
people
a very healthy and satisfied people,
nary a potential suicide in sight
(they probably even vote)
and I tell her
"what if the boys saw me go in there? suppose they
find out I'm going in for a walnut peach sundae?"
"come on, chicken," she laughs and we go in
and stand with the icecream people.
none of them are cursing or threatening
the clerks.
there seem to be no hangovers or
grievances.
I am alarmed at the placid and calm wave
that flows about. I feel like a ***** in a
beauty contest. we finally get our sundaes and
sit in the car and eat them.

I must admit they are quite good. a curious new
world. (all my friends tell me I am looking
better. "you're looking good, man, we thought you
were going to die there for a while...")
--those 4,500 dark nights, the jails, the
hospitals...

and later that night
there is use for the pecker, use for
love, and it is glorious,
long and true,
and afterwards we speak of easy things;
our heads by the open window with the moonlight
looking through, we sleep in each other's
arms.

the icecream people make me feel good,
inside and out.

At the height of my sleep deprivation
I saw the sun rise two times in one day  
And my brain cried out in desperation
As all my thoughts remain in disarray.
My blankets are trying to smother me.
I've memorized the cracks in the ceiling.
I just need for my body to be free,
To escape this never ending feeling
That I will always be trapped in my mind
Haunted by the ghosts of my past mistakes
Unable to face the world I will find
When this fever eventually breaks.
Only in my dreams do I find my peace
That is where all my anxieties cease

Sometimes when I try to force a poem, nothing happens.
But in the moment before I fall asleep
In the swirl of commotion that consumes my mind
Pops in that perfect line that was just
Out of reach
Then the flood gates open
My mind is awash with line after line
It goes as quickly as it arrives
If I don't get them on paper quick enough, they start to decay
That's why I keep a notebook next to my bed
Often when i read it in the morning it doesn't sound like me

When I digest poems
I often regurgitate them
It's like throwing up
Alphabet soup
The letters
Are in a different order
Coming up
Than going down
After they've been
Saturated
In my juices
They become mine