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Everywhere I go
Everybody wants to know
"Where's the lady"
They all ask
I answer, hiding behind a mask
Of smiles and laughs,
And say to them:
"She's gone, she won't be back again;
I don't care"
And shrug my shoulders.
But now my life is so much colder
I walk alone, the crowded streets
And tell my tale to friends I meet
Then I turn, walk on with the truth
With tear-filled eyes
I think of you
and then
one day
my sky
really did fall
and life carried on
without
me
but eventually
i was helped up
slowly
dusted myself off
and i even learned
to smile
again
Life hangs by the thinnest of threads and relationships by the most brittle tendrils of trust. The most I can ask of myself is resilience
Why don't we live in a world thats free for all to roam
or a city that's as fresh as the country
after all we call Earth our home
so why is it we persecute those who differ from us in anyway
even in the age we live the world discriminates
are you male, are you religious, what's your race
are you fat, are you gay, what's your political views
all this abuse going on right in your face.

Do you love, because I do
do you want peace, because I do
That's the way it should be
me equal to you and you equal to me
the way it should be
He hugged me
Tears running down his face
I felt him shudder
For the whole human race

Just who condemned him
Has always been clear
The righteous
The believers
The possessors
Of fear

Yet sympathy
I felt
For the Devil
Himself
Because forgiveness
   Runs through my veins...
Traveler Tim

We pay our debt sometimes.
paranoia of the 3rd degree
in 8th grade
when the boy i liked IM'd my friend
and said the shirt i wore to church made me look fat.

shaking nervousness in a 12 year old body
overweight
moving a fork from my plate to my mouth --
a true horror
listening to girls read calories
off a box of vanilla wafers

pinching my stomach fat
wanting to tear it off
an 8 year old who asked her older sister
to help her get thinner

decades i've wasted looking so close at every piece of me
i know how i look from every angle without a mirror
i've memorized every defect.
critical sections studied under a microscope:
i am not anything but scientific in my process.

i blow myself up to disproportionate sizes
and then wonder why sometimes i lay in bed and feel

huge.

and other times

so small.

after a while you'll begin to realize that the constant scrutiny and study of your temple is fruitless
that the hungry monster behind your ribcage
that eats dark lipstick and winged eyeliner and name brand clothes and highlighting powder and contouring brushes
that you sacrifice increments of time to every morning,
night
every prolonged glance in a mirror...
fuels itself off the notion that the images we see on a screen are the standard for cultural truth.

i turned 21 and decided to throw away the microscope.
to change what images i saw on my screens
to eliminate the photoshopped waists and fill them with pictures of normal, happy bodies
and i began to see the body that i exercised,
fed vegetables,
watered,
washed,
nurtured,
as not fat or ugly or unwanted
but as a perfect home for myself
and maybe someone else
if i wanted.

because the cultural truth lies in what you see in other humans
not dancing shadows on a screen in a cave
it lies in the gentle rolls of your stomach
and the crinkles around your lips and eyes
and the pimples on your forehead.
there is nothing garish
about reality.
He was small,
He was long,
He was crossing the road when I saw him,
Unaware of what is happening around,
Motorcycles and Buses were passing by continuously,
His Parents left him as if they were aware of the vehicle was coming towards them,
I don't know why Parents leave their Children in difficult times,
And what happened then scares us,
Vehicle crossed by crushing him
It's too late till I get through over to him,
I wasn't able to save him,
I was in the car,
Seeing from far what happened there.
He was a little **Mongoose
Though, he wasn't a human, but I have a soft corner for every animal that lives in our surrounding.
When the firmament quivers with daylight's young beam,
  And the woodlands awaking burst into a hymn,
And the glow of the sky blazes back from the stream,
  How the bright ones of heaven in the brightness grow dim.

Oh! 'tis sad, in that moment of glory and song,
  To see, while the hill-tops are waiting the sun,
The glittering band that kept watch all night long
  O'er Love and o'er Slumber, go out one by one:

Till the circle of ether, deep, ruddy, and vast,
  Scarce glimmers with one of the train that were there;
And their leader the day-star, the brightest and last,
  Twinkles faintly and fades in that desert of air.

Thus, Oblivion, from midst of whose shadow we came,
  Steals o'er us again when life's twilight is gone;
And the crowd of bright names, in the heaven of fame,
  Grow pale and are quenched as the years hasten on.

Let them fade--but we'll pray that the age, in whose flight,
  Of ourselves and our friends the remembrance shall die
May rise o'er the world, with the gladness and light
  Of the morning that withers the stars from the sky.
The time draws near the birth of Christ:
  The moon is hid; the night is still;
  The Christmas bells from hill to hill
Answer each other in the mist.

Four voices of four hamlets round,
  From far and near, on mead and moor,
  Swell out and fail, as if a door
Were shut between me and the sound:

Each voice four changes on the wind,
  That now dilate, and now decrease,
  Peace and goodwill, goodwill and peace,
Peace and goodwill, to all mankind.

This year I slept and woke with pain,
  I almost wish'd no more to wake,
  And that my hold on life would break
Before I heard those bells again:

But they my troubled spirit rule,
  For they controll'd me when a boy;
  They bring me sorrow touch'd with joy,
The merry merry bells of Yule.
Left alone
Nature proceeds
To order chaos.

Land unploughed
Turns grass, scrub
Forest, each

In turn colonise,
Each more beautiful
Than before

Stars cluster and
Nebulise to galaxy

And my sad
Chaotic life

Shall emanate
(O my soul, in hope)

Splendour
you once said to write a letter
to get my emotions out.
to spell it out, cast my desires in the air.
trust there they will be dealt.
I've written many since though none to you.

I wanted to make amends,
because its your voice that woke me,
I heard it and it spoke to me,
sung to me,
whispered to my soul.
I knew you after we kissed.

still much growth,
we met early before for healing.
your heart needs protecting
and I am a nurturer.
I also think of you, still now.

I just wanted to spell out
you too are a reflection of me.
we meet time again.
we bump and rub to create intense friction
for the next round.
ours a slow and steady dance
of life long friends.
and I love you, always.
when you are ready to share,
I AM here
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