Dear you,
I want you to come closer
Although I try to push you away
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only keeps growing

The more I have, the more you loose
But the more you have, the more I get
The equation is complicated
I don’t expect you to understand
After all
You never understood me either.

I am there
Beside you and behind you
All you have to do is turn
turn stealthily enough
So I don’t have time to run
I told you
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

I slouch, I *******, I squeak
just like your bedroom door I creak
unopened for centuries
Unheard for decades
Unseen for years
Not because I’m weak but because
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

i live in a pineapple under the sea
or you could say I hide
Hide from you, hide from me
Hide from the rest of the  reality
but I am always there
I always will
For I have to be

Don’t acknowledge me
Validation is not my need
But don’t forget me either
For I have this hidden greed

Never leave your own side
I need to follow
Never  leave my side either
But know
To me,
Ignorance is a bliss
For I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

What you didn't realize
was that you were a conqueror of fate
Having me ravished to the highest magnitude
you still pretended like you had no clue
A counterfeit image of
trust issues
Playfully taunting
but I was also hurting.
For I didn't covet you
to have doubts
Or descry the demur I doubted to dismiss.
But it's true
That somewhere betwixt the precariousness
I had relinquished my all
my heart; my soul
to you
without yet having been acquainted
with more than just the night
Without yet having been acquainted
With only you in plain sight
Your scintillating eyes
holding to the fact
that
I ought to conjecture
The earth is flat
.
.
.
You grin like a Cheshire Cat.

The Mademoiselle I saw in the sea
Her dress impersonating the rhythm of the air
Her messy mahogany hair impersonating the rhythm of the dress.

The waves had their own cadence
just like how her tresses would cover her all of her face but her eyes
the waves would cover all of her body but her face
She was pretty tall. Even for the waves. Out of their reach.

She had the fingers of an artist. Shy and beautiful.
And every time they made way through her hair to her ears
Her beauty unfolded a little more.

Contemplating the sunset, she’d wrap her arms around her shoulders
I realized it isn’t everyday that you behold such magic when
the glowing sun, a crisp circle in the ****** sky
revealed a path in the meek waves that led directly to her

Impulses to take the initiative, capering all over me without fail
Though completely stupefied by her beauty, I could still remember every detail
Whether it was her eyes that gazed upon the horizon
or her toes that twitched under the water owing to the cold.

The interspace between us. A little extra than I asked for
Her silhouette against the subduing sky. I knew I was falling for her
Dear Mademoiselle I saw in the sea
Though enamored by all, you’re something more to me.
Mademoiselle I saw in the sea, I fancy you to set me free
Mademoiselle I saw in the sea, agree to receive my apology.
Wasn’t undaunted enough to talk to you then,
but I bespeak if I ever see you again
Mademoiselle I saw in the sea, I wouldn’t just let you be
Mademoiselle I saw in the sea, I’d tell you
I’d tell you, you feel like home to me.
Mademoiselle, I saw in the sea, i’m not lying when I say I misseth thee

ather aether Katherine
quintessence she’s never been
confess profess depress
transgress the process
A lifecycle.
With little to no progress

repress to the oppress
Obsess the agress
Compress the mess
Say yes to impress

You’re not blessed
Be ready to face
The detest for this
Damsel in distress.
You’re not allowed to egress

We’ve all been trained to stash
All that we have had for the brash
Trash. thats what we are if not unerring

pristine is an acknowledgment to disguise
kitschy fustian ostentatious. Be that.
No less. No more.
Katherine tried but failed to fit anymore

We’re all Katherine. You and me.
we don’t abide. We don’t fit. We don’t belong.
Here.
There.
Everywhere.

Life’s not fair.

Hi,                      
This is me
I'm lost
Not literally
But also not “not literally “

I don’t know how to explain
I've always been lost
So “always” that now
I’ve stopped waiting to be found

What do you do when
being home doesn’t feel at home
being alone is no where close to peace
and being seen is seen as trouble

When you see the clattering teeth
behind every smile;
The evil red behind every eye
and the ***** in every handshake…

You STOP!
You stop soliciting
You stop
You want no more
You’ve had enough
But instead of stopping them
YOU stop

Because thats what you’ve always been taught

Everyday you ask
You ask yourself
If everything thats happening around you is fair
The answer?
You know its NO
But you convince yourself
that you don’t know

Even after all that you have seen

When you were ahead of everyone else in the race
and no one could match your pace
Instead of letting you win
they asked you to stop

Or like they said “Wait “
for the ones behind
Don’t lead , Always follow
Because thats what it means
To be“Kind”

You wait
For someone else to do the same for you
To have your back
To push you
To the the finish line

But in vain
You were always the last
You had to be
After all, thats humanity

Although very cliche
I will still use this phrase here
You scream on the top of your lungs
but no one can hear

You’ve forgotten your own sound
the world’s hidden from your rhythm
You’ve learnt to talk in whispers
For having a voice is forbidden

You’re burning from your own heat
Not rage just heat
From the fever that is
When you realize
Thats the only warmth you’ve ever felt

But why?
What does this mean to them you ask
Why do they keep you behind
what is going on in their mind
Why can you not be one of a kind

Why is it that you are always last
Though better than the others
You’re still an outcast
beaten and harassed

You don’t know
Maybe you’ll never know
But thats what you will have to live with
You cannot go

You’ll have to lay
Right here
Stone cold
With nothing
to hold.

How beautiful did it all feel like
When you fabricated your doting self

Each time I gently pushed all my hair, behind my ears,
only to confront the zephyr from your rose like lips,
I failed to espy the thorns it bore.

Each time I’d smile to a crisp lie
Overlooking the fact that you had done it again,
You’d always do it “one more time”
And I’d always unsee the paradigm.

How beautiful did it all feel like when you perceived me as personage
Worthy of your attention
Worthy to have a claim on some 5 seconds of your life
Which you floundered to call mine otherwise

You were just busy. I dispelled my doubts
but you do love me. And its you I couldn’t do without

Each time I am pushed to pacify my kernel
I invent this story of how everything you do,

Is so that one day, you can see me
burgeon into a beautiful  flower
Never did I know you’d pick me
to impress another bossom, that very hour

Sometimes I hinted the stray in you
But, when had I ever learnt, to put enough trust into myself.
So each time you told me you wanted to stay
I’d let you. I’d let you in, and I’d tell myself, come what may
You’re the person I love, today, tomorrow and everyday

How beautiful did it all feel like
When I refuted the presence of your masquerade
When each time you’d destroy me with a different raid
and I still liked to believe you’d be there to aid

You are just busy. I dispell my doubts.
But you do love me. And its you I can’t do without.

Dear you,
you cried
I know you know
But I want you to know that I know too

Then, all I did was stare
I watched you till you died
But there was  nothing I could really do
For all I do is lie

Ive always lied to you. And I still will
Don’t ask me to change
I’m no human, know no humankind
I have a rage
this monster inside me
and I’m not leaving that behind

You live, I survive
You die, I survive
You’re mortality, I’m eternity
You’re humanity I’m absurdity
You’re conformity, I’m insanity
You’re serenity, I’m enormity
We’ll Never be the same

Co-existence is not an option
The love-hate has to end
And that is why
My demon chose to descend

I ripped you into pieces
Showed you that you were dead
made you realize that you’re weak
Throttled you till the end

Finally,
You’re no longer here
You won’t be there either

although thats what I wanted
but why is it that I still care


I am free. I am alone
I have won. I am broke
I’m the victor. I am the victim
I am the laugh. I am the joke


I chase. I hide
I’m free. I’m tied
I killed. I died
I now know
You were mine.

My hearts a greenhouse and you’re the sun

You keep my garden alive
The rays you endow of hope and new beginnings
The occasional downpour that washes hulking feelings
And your blazing sparkling image that reflects off the ceiling
You’ve kept my garden alive

These sunflower seedlings, they always look upto you
You infuse into me all thats exciting and new
The spring avenue

Just like the morning dew on a spiders web,
You add beauty to the intricate
Even if you were a million light years away
A million more I could wait

There are a thousand stars in the sky,
But you’re unique, you’re the only one
And thats why,
My hearts a greenhouse and you’re the sun

You know,
I want to fall in love
Have sth to hold on
Like actually feel
for somebody else I guess

Be a part of something,
a part of someone,
and share...

Give and get.

Have heart beats in sync.

You know,
Like live in a kind of utopia.
Maybe sometimes suffer on the way,
but only to see us heal.
Beautifully and Wholly
Together. Always.

I want to have memories to laugh at;
eyes to look at;
and a familiar tinge to remember-
every time the air prances into my curls.

I want that ******; that caress;
Feel completely moved  from within
and realize ,
what I'd been missing out on
all this time.

I fancy being the person
who can laugh alone by mere reminiscence.
Gaze at a profile for years
and still not loose the fondness

The adrenaline rush,
The vulnerability,
The addiction,
The susceptibility,
The endearment....
thats what I crave.

You know,
It doesn't have to be the right person
and doesn't have to last forever.
I just want to believe it will.

For once in all these years,
I just want to savour,
how it feels to feel.

Get lost in something,
in someone,
forever
And still yearn for more.

Have a thirst.
and see it quench
by nothing else
but the meagre presence of a person.

Like actually be able to enjoy the rain,
be able to saunter in thoughts,
be able to relate the lyrics of a song,
and even when things go wrong,
still have someone to keep you strong.

I want to have something to think about
when I wake up,
and  have someone come for me
when I don't .

Just be there for someone
and keep confessing to them,
that the only thing that binds me together
is their "ugliness charm" :))

You know,
I want to be mainstream for once
Have love to murmur between kisses.

Not think about anything else,
Except for togetherness.

Be inseparable for once.

Doesn't have to last forever
but I have a squeaky clean ache for it.

Just for once,
I want to smile from completely within
because someone glows to me.

"Today more than yesterday"
"Forever and always"
So as to say.

You know,
I want to be one of those-
cliche typical romantic couples from a movie.
Lost in each other,
only to find each other.

The only  difference
I wouldn't be acting.

I want to confront a room that lit up
just by someones entry.
Feel contended to the brim
just by someones feel.

Like actually not feel hollow for once,
and yet trigger a rhythm when knocked.

Be the someone, in someones life.
Hold hands and frolic,
as a single eternal supernova.

I know reality
and I know it doesn't work that way
but just for once
and only once,
I want to believe
I belong.

Our hands entwined. Your eyes lost in mine
My face, marginally looking down
when you distract me from the night sublime.

Your fingers pressing tighter against  mine
your focus unwavering from my eyes.
Hinting the love you were trying to put forth,
you put behind one of the two strands of hair,  that had
perfectly framed my face.

Now, that I had pledged myself to you
You effortlessly pour the three words into the night

You say
“I love you “
I only smile.

Masquerading my racing heartbeat
I put behind the other loose strand of my hair.
Your gaze unagitatingly still fixed at me
I am aware you’re anticipating a reply.

But what could I possibly say?
The customary “I love you too”?
Darling, I say that to you everyday
In ways, you never knew.

Belle's rose, wilting one petal at a time
The creation of Adam, gods hand yet to touch yours
You're 0.8 secs away
From descrying the back of their head disappear into the distance
One last time
Thats one heartbeat away
From the inception of the everlasting process; the decay

It's not always that when you look outside your window,
you see something looking right back at you
Almost as if the something could read your kernel.
Your deepest despair.
The glare had this  flare that you both shared.
It was rare.

It's just a cat. You said.
but when have you ever been able to convince yourself this easy
It's not. You know.

You're still looking at it, as it looks back at you
The same way. Both of you reading;
six minutes fleeting, seven feet away;
eighth trait she's feeding, from her ninth life today.

Your grandma told you stories.
Kings and lovers who hid a part of their soul.
Their anima, in an animal
so their quiddity was never fully stole.

It's not true. It's not real
Just some unfathomable fairyland scam.
But then why is it that when I bleed
It's only you who seems to understand.

(hiss)

The black blues looking back at us
As we try to enumerate what actually is 300 billion in number
Stargazing you - beams a little brighter
Especially when you extend your arms to show me what you out-pass
The stars. The night sky. The moon. The universe.
Theres this unexplainable spell you cast

We’re intoxicated. Can’t tell if its the whisky or just the night
We’re isolated. The rest of the world is tucked in behind closed curtains.
And your mere sight, is the brightest thing tonight
Are we in love? I cant tell

You’ve always known your way around things.
You know the constellations.
You know that if you flip your hair one more time,I’d die in admiration.
You know how to tease between conversations.
You know this isn’t just infatuation.

You know your way. Like I know mine around your hair.
Your accolades melt my barricades
Your smile is my gatorade
Your laugh a grenade
And me, is what you've attained

You’re a bomb. And I am your ****
You’re singing to me. Your voice lets me travel through time
A cascade of memories flashcards
You’re an enchanter. Big time

We float through the night.
Arms extended for each other to lay upon.
Head on shoulder and eyes on eyes. Fingers intertwined.
We kiss each other one last time before the dawn breaks.
Its about time we leave.  

Will I see you again? I dont know
but one thing I do know
I'll always have you on my lips
At least your name if not your kiss.

belle's rose, wilting one petal at a time
the creation of adam, gods hand yet to touch yours
you're 0.8 seconds away
from descrying the back of their head disappear into the distance
one last time; one heartbeat away
the inception of an everlasting process; the decay.

languished simply, because of the life left within
shoulders slouched, so as to crease what's in between
you let out a sigh
struggling to pick broken shards off the austere snow;
blotching blood stains so diluted by what your eyes let go
you realize what's so undoubtedly you; an overflow.

an overflow of musing so raw, each drop a crystallized sapphire kernel
burgeoning beanstalk in the hearts of every passerby
all led to the glasshouses you once vowed to unfalteringly stand by the refracting light dilating naked memories; an open invitation to pry
you lack distrust that things could ever go awry; they do.

stubborn; you never learn;
you live in denial, waiting for their return
your presence incomplete; the twinkle in your eyes masking your defeat
your glasshouses broken and beat; slow deplete
repeat repeat repeat

you fight shy of taking up space
last row corner seat, you almost always leave without a trace
your voice too mild to return an echo, your soul leaking too gentle to show
you long for warmth, yet you leave behind nothing to embrace. you know.

a paradox on your own; you're a daunting dilemma
you can love into thin air, hushed or acapella
your burning eternal, yet you soothe all fire
hollowing for your world, but there's nothing you desire

your heart's been plucked from the souls you've warmed
only to be left astray in the cold
yet you pick the pieces less frozen and hand it over for them to hold

obscure; oblivious, and obedient
to everyone but your own
you're fighting battles; for everywhere but home

withering and drifting
brittle dust in the breeze

worn out to the extreme
bittersweet; free

potpourri

p o t p o u r r i

December 28.
Three days until  new year
Resolutions? What are they?
Although I do want to better myself and grow to be happier and ****,
I don’t want to make effort to get there.
I just want things to change.

Lazy.
Thats what they call me
But im not,
you should see me one day before the deadlines
No one works as hard as me then.

But what for?
Why am I doing this?
I am always busy;
Always caught up in stuff,
but how?
Ive made no progress whatsoever.
Not accomplished anything.
Where does all that I do go?

The trash bin.
No no no!
Thats not where it goes
I was only showing it to you,
because its sth im proud of
Its the cleanest piece I own in the house
Never has been touched by any dirt  any-day.

Theres pizza under the cushion under the table
Its not stale!
Only a week old
Im 15 and still fresh.

Im an artist by profession,
Some call me a piece of art myself
I don’t think so
I believe,
Im a masterpiece.

Ive always wanted to move into a new house
a well furnished house with a full fridge
If I move I won’t have to waste time on cleaning

Yeah time...
I value it alot.
I keep staring at the clock for hours sometimes
Waiting for its orders
Time and tide waits for none
But we can
We can wait
And we should.
Wait for time; respect it.

I always clutch the clock firmly in my hands
Never let it go
So Ive had never to say,
Time is running away from our hands
Im occasionally smart too.

I don’t rest.
Im always working
Even when I sleep
I write my dreams make a movie and watch it.
It's mostly about riding a shoe in the sky
and going over seas to meet my family.

my family..
is the best
I don’t even have to explain
My pet rat always runs with excitement as soon as it sees me
His best friend the cockroach follows him everywhere.
BFFs you see,
The spider lets down a string to greet me
and even the tap tears up when I open the door.
Ive spent days telling her not to cry,
not to miss me too much
But her tears just won’t stop
Such a precious family ive got
I love you fam
Don’t worry
I’ll see you all soon.

Yeah.
Where was I?
Yeah, so I'm m always working.
Its important
I know they call me lazy
But no-ones opinions matter to me

Unless,
Unless its my mom
She once told me I needed help
I picked up the gun-
The gun-gun-gunther toy
I made it myself
Gunther?
From F.R.I.E.N.D.S?
I loved that show
Had a rag doll for each character.

Ahh those days.....

No!  I won’t tell you what happened after that!
I almost had to go to jai-
jai-je-Jelly land!
I don’t like jelly you see.

NO!
I didn’t run from anyone.
Or anywhere.
Although I do run from my responsibilities
its good for health
You should too.