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N Jan 2017
when the church bell rings i hear sirens;
when i open my mouth for the holy communion
i fear that the things i am struggling to keep
are going to spill.
---
I am not religious but I /had/ to confess last year for some dumb reason and I said something really personal to the priest, right, and he straight up invalidated what I said. In conclusion, I'm still ****** up by it.
---
  Jan 2017 N
Charles Bukowski
she's young, she said,
but look at me,
I have pretty ankles,
and look at my wrists, I have pretty
wrists
o my god,
I thought it was all working,
and now it's her again,
every time she phones you go crazy,
you told me it was over
you told me it was finished,
listen, I've lived long enough to become a
good woman,
why do you need a bad woman?
you need to be tortured, don't you?
you think life is rotten if somebody treats you
rotten it all fits,
doesn't it?
tell me, is that it? do you want to be treated like a
*******?
and my son, my son was going to meet you.
I told my son
and I dropped all my lovers.
I stood up in a cafe and screamed
I'M IN LOVE,
and now you've made a fool of me. . .
I'm sorry, I said, I'm really sorry.
hold me, she said, will you please hold me?
I've never been in one of these things before, I said,
these triangles. . .
she got up and lit a cigarette, she was trembling all
over.she paced up and down,wild and crazy.she had
a small body.her arms were thin,very thin and when
she screamed and started beating me I held her
wrists and then I got it through the eyes:hatred,
centuries deep and true.I was wrong and graceless and
sick.all the things I had learned had been wasted.
there was no creature living as foul as I
and all my poems were
false.
  Jan 2017 N
Charles Bukowski
don't feel sorry for me.
I am a competent,
satisfied human being.

be sorry for the others
who
fidget
complain

who
constantly
rearrange their
lives
like
furniture.

juggling mates
and
attitudes

their
confusion is
constant

and it will
touch
whoever they
deal with.

beware of them:
one of their
key words is
"love."

and beware those who
only take
instructions from their
God

for they have
failed completely to live their own
lives.

don't feel sorry for me
because I am alone

for even
at the most terrible
moments
humor
is my
companion.

I am a dog walking
backwards

I am a broken
banjo

I am a telephone wire
strung up in
Toledo, Ohio

I am a man
eating a meal
this night
in the month of
September.

put your sympathy
aside.
they say
water held up
Christ:
to come
through
you better be
nearly as
lucky.
N Jan 2017
the soft sound
of the turning of
newspaper pages
in the morning

the damp circle left
by your coffee cup

the gentle kiss
planted on it

the tiny smile
that reveals a perfect
deformity
on your right cheek

a yelling neighbor
and fine china breaking

let's move to pluto,
you say

you leave me speechless
half of the time

and i nod in agreement
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbND9bAaxMI
---
N Jan 2017
i am a gambler
in life betting
all my coins,
fingers crossed

and fate,
like a child,
loves to play
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AN5Yhq4u-yM
---
N Jan 2017
self-harm
isn't always cutting

sometimes
it's ignoring your hunger
postponing your sleep
and picking at your face
every ******* time

it's listening to music
in maximum volume
pushing away your friends
and not turning on
the water heater when it's cold
but turning it on when it's hot

it is when you don't say anything
even though you're already dying
just so the people around you can live
without all the noise
---
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/art/news/amelia-hall-van-gogh-painting-cafe-terrace-at-night-self-harming-depression-mental-illness-a7532756.html
---
  Jan 2017 N
E. E. Cummings
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body.  i like what it does,
i like its hows.  i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new
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