I may have gotten into the
stupidest argument of my life

it was about men painting their
nails
yes
men painting their nails

I want to paint my nails a
deep burgundy
because
well
I feel like I really don’t need
a reason

she said
it would turn my nails
yellow

I said
I don’t give a
****

she said
men don’t wear
nail polish

I said
I don’t give a
****

she said
she didn’t have any
nail polish

I said
*******
I’ll go buy my own
then

when I walked
to the front door
with my car keys
she stamped her
feet and said
FINE!

and she walked upstairs
to her bathroom
where she kept all the
polish

The point isn't to forget.
The point is to move on.
The point is to remember
And learn
And use the pain
That attacked you down
And use it as experience
To bring others up.
The point isn't to forget
About the long nights
And effort to breath
About the crooked red lines
And the long sleeves
About crying so much
And crying so hard
You feel the loosening of your seams.

The point is to grow
And move on
To find the beauty in the world and
The purity of living.

i'm slipping in and out of consciousness
every breath gets harder and you are
sitting on the edge of my bed
watching me with tired eyes
in between my fluttering
heartbeats i see you
too i'm so
sorry
-z.z

.... a n d y o u 'r e n e v e r w a k i n g u p.

        It's numb, it's cold
                          But at least, I'm still being held; I'm still being wanted
   I can feel his heartbeat, but no love
                                                           ­                                 Just freezing cold lust                                      I shouldn't be here
               But where do I go?
                                                            ­               If I leave, I'll be alone again
        The crushing weight of solitude, more than I can bear
                                                           ­       Even if I'm unloved, I'm still wanted              
                              And that is all I've ever wanted
               Even if he's cold
             Even if my heart is left with scars, open and bleeding
            Even if I'm surrounded by chains
  I can't leave
      *I won't leave