N: Poems

Feb 2020 · 160

N Feb 2020

responsible for the infringement of my way of life
i crave his blood but mine will have to suffice
unable to suppress this past haunting me
i am worthless — forced to inhabit this memory
as life fails to vindicate the agony i endure
i steadily witness what was taken from me
the tranquility which was formerly pure
is never to be witnessed once more

#pain #flashbacks #heartbreak

Nov 2019 · 316

hate me

N Nov 2019

hate me

why am i hated
i dont know what i've done
why am i being punished
what reason?—i know of none
a happy life wasted
my pain has just begun
with everything they've said and everything i've read
it really does seem like they're having fun
ruining my life and wishing me dead
I just dont understand what i have done

#hate #pain #alone #mentalhealth

Nov 2019 · 179

why

N Nov 2019

why

why was it necessary
to speak to him before me
corrupting the sacred
how could you not see
fate tried imposing
its plans for you and me
but you turned around
and chose him over me

nearly ten months later
you still cannot see
you've done it again
this time betraying me
last time we had not met
this time we had loyalty
i thought you had learned
seeing what happened to me
as the pain burned
how could you not see
we were destined for happiness
but yet again you chose him—over me

#pain #heartbreak #betrayal

Nov 2019 · 196

episodic

N Nov 2019

episodic

without any memory
of being alive
i am frozen in time
with echos of past lives
living in all this pain
i manage to survive
possessing my hippocampus
my demon thrives
as it consumes my nerves
painting then with knives

every memory destroyed
i cling on to her
until she gets lost in the void
for those precious moments
she is my opioid
until she's gone from existence
and her relief i am devoid

#mentalillness #love #memory #loss

— The End —