washing
over me.
I feel tears
building up.

I sit with you and laugh.

as I turn,
the feeling
grows
deeper.

my heart aches.

I was up all night crying again
And it isn't the pain in my chest that bothers me
It's the fact that I'm so used to tasting my own tears
that i could recognize them in an ocean

I cannot forgive you
for your past mistakes
because they are wrapped up inside my chest,
burning like the summer sun.

I cannot forget
the nights when I felt like nothing
and I held a bottle of yellow pills in my hand
because you pushed me over the edge.

I will not forgive
this feeling of absolute sadness
wrapped up inside of me,
I will not forgive
the stab wounds to my back
that the words you couldn't speak to my face left.

I will not forgive the person I became
because you said I wasn't good enough
(and I still never will be).

I'm sorry my words come out
when I'm neck deep in alcohol,
but drunk words are sober thoughts
and I've never been known to keep my mouth shut.

You are everything I never wanted to be around,
a disease of the mind, body, and soul,
and I cannot forgive you
for being the decay that is my demise.

Violent waves of emotion

overtake me completely

no control over their motion

I'm lost in their sea

loved you once
love you still
always have
always will

My heart becomes astray,

Every day,

She becomes further away.