in the depth of the night
i awake
my head hurts like my heart
am i betrayed
are there lies left to say

you find me upside down
knifethrower
put a knife in my core
need to discover
it doesn't matter anymore

it's only me now
face the emotional loneliness
be close to yourself
they say
and nothing less

who's me, and who's you
you made your decision
before we know the truth

i wish you shared it earlier
doubts and broken feelings
but now it's too late to push

maybe it's better like this
maybe this or maybe that
but maybe the maybe is me
the silent lake inside of this body

numb
indecisive
unstable
depressed

**** has been there for a long time
long enough to say goodbye?
i'd understand it, i'd serve
after a past you don't deserve

i wish you all the best
particularly happiness

i wish you'd have caused my silent waters
i'm just afraid it's not and i lost
my inner voice, in earlier days
the vibration of the forgotten lake

now i don't know where to look
maybe changing situations
but maybe, maybe it's you
because what i crave is to feel

love
passion
satisfied
invincible

i wish for so many things
people have no idea, they don't see
the lost and wasted energy
dried-up water in the desert

now analyse all of my feelings
let others tell me what to do
when the answer is simple

the world just doesn't work like that
like my imagination, golden visions

i thought i have no fantasy
who knows i have too much?
to get sad, not standing above it

well my heart can cry out loud
because of this cold hard place
where's addiction for the lost
and money for the wicked

i don't speak or read, but still feel it all
tell me how to ignore and avoid that
****, then i can only accept the fall
but i will never close my eyes

my passion to growl is too big
just like the world is too big
to change my tearing feelings
and feels too huge to accept

powerlessness
helplessness
hateful
opressers

maybe i'm here for a reason then
not to get bitter like them
not to become a walked over
forgotten ego or addict

gonna try to find the focus
the eye of the storm, right
they say a little ego is good
but it's also a challenge

not to let this ego grow
because of rejection or money
your religion or age
to obtain status or power

the world is a sad place

a Capricorn can just not give up
even not if none wants her, to be (there)
even not if it has to feel the load every day
it would feel as betrayal itself

and who's me, who's you
it doesn't even matter because
"you cannot change what you are
only what you do."

what do you know about love
the craving, the salvation, the pain
what do you know about sensitivity
the feel of an unannounced last kiss
what do you know about desperation
a bleeding fist against a cold wall

what do you know about loneliness
a lost black cat between angry dogs
what do you know about gravity
the entire sun coming down on you
what do you know about sadness
a tear sunken in a lavender pilow

what do you know about loss
a dove that lost its feets to land
do you care? and why
why would you
if it's not there to nothing anyways

times of insecurity
say goodbye to the past
where all was easy
always easier
to walk away

feelings, what do i feel
what do you feel
do i even feel?
something
oh, hey, i feel pain

but where are the tears?
a lack of acknowledge
doubt, like an old friend
i've known myself for so long
maybe just not very well

and it's scary, i know
it hurts to be

the one behind me
in the mirror i can't see
still looking for a way
to confront myself
with me

let them carry
the heavy heart
two golden hands
moving with stardust
and up it goes
into the universe
peaceful there
no need
for anything
you can just lie down
and rest
for as long as you want
the pain will disappear
will be alright
when the heart is with
planets and starlight

the dominant mind of sadness
it's 3 am and i still havent had rest
thinking about words and actions
who and what is really mine
and why does it matter so much
your anesthetic touch
what can i become, who's me
an ever lost and tired soul searching
all by myself, i need to do something
but i'm waiting for the day
i have the strenght to release myself
the one that's me, be happy
but waiting and hoping is bad
just like stress of the sensitive and
death, in a self destructive brain

i don't feel the love of your words
just hear the questions
to make another joke of me
the laughter of evil

but how could i know what love is?
at least i felt something, close
with the devil, but that didn't matter
for an abandoned girl alone