brisk october bruises my cheeks
my thoughts are chaotic
my voice is calm

i gave all my oxygen to someone who could breathe
he ate my heart whole
when we drowned ourselves in the darkest parts of each other

you haunt me
today tomorrow forever
days go by and i think i'm done
but then it comes back
the thoughts of you
your breath on my neck
your kiss on my cheek
your eyes used to follow me
your memory follows me now
i see glimpses of you around the city
like scattered fragments of a time i'm trying to forget
i'm trying

like my pre-made protein shake dictates
seperation is normal

we were a house
it went on fire
we painted and painted
but we could still smell the smoke

you are unfazed by anything i do
you say you love me and that my spontaneity is one of the reasons why
because i keep you guessing
you say it's refreshing but you mean it's unpredictable
you say you love me and that i'm endlessly fascinating
you tell me it's because i'm interesting
you say it's intriguing but you mean it's confusing
i have so many precious things to tell you
but you do not care for any of them
you say you love me no matter what i look like
but when you kiss me you look into different eyes
you say you love me

but these are words from a thesaurus
not words from your heart

i tried to write about you today
i thought of your lips, your skin, your scent
but i couldn’t find words to describe them
how funny things have changed
wake up one day and realize that your dreams are not random
coincidences are foolish
the universe is rarely so clumsy

i thought about you again last night
it was strange, it was surprisingly nice
i thought of all the things you'd said to me
every sentence, every simply-constructed compliment
everything came gushing at once
but this time was different
i didn't feel like i was drowning in the worrying waves of doubt and denial

but yet
that i was gently afloat above it all
calm centimeters away from chaos

i recite the weirdly, wonderfully woven words you say to them to myself when no one is around
i leave little leads of tangents around different rooms like crumbs for someone to follow me
you are the only one whose thoughts i subconsciously hear when i need to hear something most
when i am bound by solitude and my romantic ode to it

you are the one that wakes me up