1537

Candor—my tepid friend—
Come not to play with me—
The Myrrhs, and Mochas, of the Mind
Are its iniquity—

I'm captivated and drawn in
I'm sinking under the waves anew
Yet all the while I'm watching
The light beams rippling through

I'm floundering in the ocean
I'm in doubt way over my head
No hand of yore can rescue me
I'm giving myself up as dead

I'm calling out my sins to you
I'm hoping to suffer no more
I'm waiting for the Angel to come
And take me to your shore

But suddenly I see a star
Shining brighter than before
And behold it dawns upon me
That I'm already at the shore

But not the shores of death
Or yet the shores above
No such place is there for me
For I have washed up in your love

I live in an
Enchanted Forest.

Where woodland animals appear
In misty twilight from behind
The mineral-stained shower curtain
And dewdrops sparkle on
The toothpaste-spattered
Mascara-blotted mirror.

Tiny little elves
Rumple my sheets and
Throw my clothing on the floor
Magic fairies dance over
The dresser top and eyeliner-strewn vanity
To the mystical, elusive strains of Owl City.

Mushroom jewels spring up
In my closet while I sleep
Dreaming of princes and turning sixteen
Ruling a kingdom and graduating highschool
Christmas lights twinkle like the
Multicolored stars of a fantasy night.

I spend my days in
This little woodland cottage
My loyal mutt snoring on her rug
Notebooks lined up on
A shelf with drying herbs
Chattering mice and potions of tired hopes.

I live in an Enchanted Forest
Or maybe I just sprayed too much perfume again.

She whispered,
"I just miss
the little things.
The stuff that seems unimportant
until you realize
it's all that matters.
Like the way he'd pull you in
when he was half asleep
or the way he said
he loved the way you looked in that dress.
So, no, BIG things
aren't a BIG deal,
but the small things,
they can mean the entire world."

I feel like I'm chewing
Gum
That's lost it's flavor.
It's tough,
And my jaw hurts,
I want to stop
But I can't.

It's bitter,
And leaves a funny taste
In my memory,
A layer
Of unfortunate tang
On my good days.

The problem with
My chewing depression
Is I need
A monumental
Change of mental state,
But I don't have the emotional
Energy
For a
*******
Epiphany.

I had learnt to love her.
As she was,
wrought with all her surprises;
when she moved in,
with her books and her vices,
I had learnt to love her.
Waking at 2,
to find her crouched by the window;
shaking her awake
as she wrestled with her ego.
Keeping my peace,
when her heart roamed town untethered;
The door clicking shut,
and at 3, I had learnt to love her.
I’ve felt her warmth against me,
even in the coldest of her nights.
I’ve caught her gazing at me;
I remember the ghost of a smile.
Nestled against each other on my warm brown couch,
listening to her verses, her secret art
Tracing our fates along the ridges of her spine,
‘I’ve learnt to love her,’ whispered my defeated heart.
I had learnt to love her when I knelt, drenched,
hugging her under the shower, dressed in my Sunday best.
And when I sat unmoving, convinced by her words,
that she had to break herself down to build herself back up.
Unable to sway her fiery soul,
I walked through the debris
scouting the wreckage of forsaken art;
shards of glass, ash, and pieces of me.
It’s dark now and I can finally see –
learning to love her was never meant for me.
Packed bags, taking everything in my world but me,
there are no words or lingering touches as she turns to leave.
Wretched and enchanted, I had learnt to love her.
Now I must learn to love myself without her.

I had a dream once
Where I stood in a
Dark city and stared
Up at the tall rectangle of
A skyscraper, watching the
Squares of light reflected
Although there were no
Streetlights, just the vague
Idea that the moon must
Be out there somewhere.

Lost somewhere came a
Muffled sound, the faraway echos
Of a darkened city needing
No light.
And in the dream I had
Deeply poetic thoughts about
The invincible silence contained
In noise and the languid light
Minced in frenetic darkness.
I felt the feelings of the
Tousled screams of loneliness
Trapped in oceans of men
And the panicked skepticism of
Sinking ships, falling into asphalt.

Unfortunately before the thought
Was entirely formed I
Woke up and
Couldn't remember any of it.