When reduced to a body
By the man who held my worth
I thought
"This is what an apple tree feels
When reduced to paper"

You brought peace
To a Battle fought for generations
Civil love feels like giving up
To a heart beating
In rhythm with war drums

Day 1 of not missing him
when I wake up
Day 132 of trying not to think of him
When you tell me you love me
Day 786 of wishing he had meant it
The way I wish you didn't

It is important to remember
Something can be both terrible
And remarkably precious
I can tell you that my father
Has held me with all of the gentleness
And care one would use
To catch a snowflake in the air
He has looked at me with awe,
Love pouring out of him in a way
That overwhelmed the both of us
I can tell you that when my father
Raises his voice, I am still afraid
I do not know which is more relevant
I only know that both are true

This always happens
I never understood how the storms in your eyes
Could make my heart so still
In the center of your chaos
I found a purpose
A home
Until your eye settle
And stop looking into mine,
I will love you.

You, with hands like Ambien
Talking me down off the ledges
I was born and raised on
Slowing down the heart
That's beating for you now
Out of my chest
Into your hands
Safer than it was with me
I didn't need to be medicated
Just loved,
Just loved.

You love how I don't love myself,
A little feels like so much to me,
I couldn't tell you didn't love me either.