You love how I don't love myself,
A little feels like so much to me,
I couldn't tell you didn't love me either.

When I'm sad I like to think about traffic,
The way it might feel if a car swerved,
And every one of my bones crushed all at once.
When I'm happy I think about traffic,
How terrifying it would be if a car swerved,
And I lost everyone and everything all at once.
I'm in love with you like I love oncoming traffic.

Fingertips brushing along a bent spine,
Grazing ribs and collarbone,
Not breaking, memorizing,
Show me again,
And again,
And again,
Love, how to love.
I didn't know I wasn't supposed to cry after,
I was just relieved it didn't hurt.

"I'll give you a ******
For every feeling you talk about"

I don't know how to apologize for the bruises that are gone but I still remember, for the grooves you didn't make but fit into so well, and no of course you're not like him, but god knows he was nothing like himself either when we met, my body feels at home wrapped around your legs, but I still have to cover my throat when you lift your arms, I do not recognize love unless it is curled up inside of violence and if you don't hurt me I will so I feel like I still deserve you, you don't know it yet but even when I'm with you I will be with him, he will stand behind you until you both look the same and then I will leave you both behind but only he will follow, and I will be missing you but tasting another in the back of the throat, nothing, oh nothing, will take the taste of him away, and it's not that I can't love you, but that I can't love the part of me that loved him, and so you will never have a home inside of me, I burnt that shelter long ago.

It's like being locked in a cold room,
With a window facing south,
Watching everyone bask in the sun,
Oh how you know it is there,
But you cannot feel it,
Yet you know you need it,
And that makes the cold so much worse.

It's 3 am,
For a while now,
I've woken up listening for you,
Funny how I used to complain,
About your drunken wake up calls.
All I could say at your funeral,
Was that I fell in love with you,
At 3 am.