Swimming deeply,
But not as deep as the abyss.
The water is dark gray,
So gray I feel at ease.
Not sad, not happy,
I don't feel any feeling;
I guess weather up there is hazy,
So hazy (and gray) that everyone is sleeping.

Please forgive me for adoring your cute face whenever you sleep.
Forgive me for trying to look closer into your dark, brown and dreamy eyes, and for wanting to hear your voice every night I couldn’t sleep.
Please forgive me for wanting to know what cologne you use every morning, for trying to know what you’re going to do in the morning and for stuttering every time I accidentally meet your eyes.
It hurts, it’s suffocating, you know? To think about you every single day, and my heart breaks every time I see you with other people that is not me.
It’s killing me, it’s painful, you know? To try to catch your attention, and to not having any false  hope again.

Please forgive me, who’s selfish wanting you all for myself.

Trembling over my haunted thoughts,
Deciding whether to listen to songs or not,
My playlist plays all songs I have no mood to listen,
My books are all placed on the table,
Yet my imagination run so wild that I couldn’t focus on anything,
I don’t know how many times I switch off the air conditioner,
Or do I want to curl up under my blankets?
Should I grab some chips and watch a movie?
Ah, but I already brushed my teeth,
Should I reply to the unanswered text messages?
Should I sleep, but I already slept five hours earlier
Or should I check my social medias?
But I would just be sad again viewing other people’s profile and pictures
I don’t know what to do,
I feel like I’m trapped into a loop of indecisive nights,
Should I click game over so I won’t wake up?
I bite my lips and scratch my wrist,
Because they were so dry yet so sore at the same time,
I feel silence and silence is so loud I’m deafened by it,
The color of my lips is pale peach,
And my eyes are empty,
This is my indecisive night,
The night which I do nothing but write my thoughts.