You like Queen more than anyone I’ve ever met
I broke my own heart
And now Freddie Mercury sings me to sleep each night

I can’t let you go
Even though I never had you to start with
I’ll trick myself into thinking you could possibly love me

You’ve got blonde hairs in your car but they’re not mine
Her dye job looks better than my genetics ever did
You replaced me with someone better
I am the before photo and she is the after
She plays me better than I ever could

I never thought of the smiths as romantic before I met you
But one day you laughed and daisies sprouted in my chest
Now I can’t stop listening to Morrissey

At nineteen I broke my own heart
You mended it with kindness
And as we rang in the new year I bloomed for you

Within nine months I was a flower garden
But then September came
My flowers died from the cold
Meanwhile you were growing flowers in another girl’s garden
And I was too blind to see you never planted any in mine at all

Tonight I’ll dream of lavender
Of fields filled with flowers
And a boy with ocean blue eyes
Who keeps his promise when he says he’ll never hurt me

It’s only at night that I allow myself to think of you
You are my filthiest thoughts
Of nights filled with laughter
Stolen kisses and sideways glances
I think about how badly I want you to touch me

Touch my hand in a dark room
Squeeze my knee in the car
Brush your fingers against my spine when we’re shopping
I don’t care what you do as long as you mean it

Tonight you’ll tell me that you love me
I’ll wake up before I get to answer
The sun shining through my blinds,
a reminder of what will never be

In my dreams you ask to kiss me
Your voice thick like honey
I say yes, sweet as sugar
I wake up and still feel the ghost of your lips on mine

Tonight I’ll beg for a nightmare
Anything to keep you off of my mind
I can’t keep loving you deeply
Breaking my own heart is a daily occurrence
I don’t have enough in me to keep from falling apart

You want me to be your manic pixie dream girl
So today I am a gardener
I’ll plant daisies and you can put them in my hair

Tomorrow you’ll fall in love with the freckles on my nose
I’ll make you sing along to bands you’ve never heard of
We’ll stop on the side of a highway to watch the sunset
I’ll remind you of what it feels like to be alive

You tell me to be a supporting character in your great adventure
So I’ll tag along behind you
Make you stop and look at bugs on the sidewalk
You’ll love the way I’m not like other girls

I’ll get a tattoo of a flower on my ribs
You’ll call me amaryllis
And I’ll change my name because you want me to
I’ll be the garden you grow with your green thumb
The one you show off to your friends
Make them bask in my beauty until you feel better about yourself

Eventually I’ll lose my shimmer
No more golden glitter, just dust
You’ll write the final chapter of my life
Give me the unsuspecting ending you believe I deserve
Stuff me in a suitcase and bury me in the backyard
Make everyone believe I ran away
Chasing a romanticized version of life I could never give

Love is so foreign to me that I don’t know how to recognize it
I often mistaken love for kindness
And kindness for pity

Love is a language I’ve always wanted to learn
but will never speak

Your love was nostalgia
When you were around I longed for the old me
The girl who knew how to differentiate loneliness
from butterflies

One rainy night you grabbed my hand
It felt like a hundred bee stings
and I mistook it for a spark
I thought the shock running through my body was love
When it was only lightning

Love is a song I remember the  melody to
But mess up when singing the chorus
The foundation is there
but I always forget the correct words to fill in the empty spaces

You begged me to save you
So I cracked myself open
I unzipped my skin and stepped out of my body
I allowed you to inhabit me, use me for shelter
I’ve always been the person people climb into when they need to be saved

The worst part of swallowing you whole was the stomach ache
You were too much for my body to handle
Soon after you abandoned me in the middle of the night  

The hardest part was trying to fit back into my skin again
You stretched it out and now it’ll forever feel too big
My body is a hand me down I’ll never fully fill out
It’s been five years but I still feel like a thief in a strangers house
Unsure if I’ll ever get to come home

At nineteen I allowed myself
To break my own heart
How silly I was to believe little girls could fall in love
But then you were there

When you tried to talk to me I couldn’t speak
Anytime I tried daisies bloomed out of my mouth

On New Year’s Day you became a gardener
You plucked away the green vines that grew from my tongue
Soon after there was a flower patch inside of my ribs

But charity love only lasts for so long
Eventually you’ll grow tired of grooming someone else’s garden
I mistook friendship for love
The look in your eyes was never longing
Now my flowers are wilting

When flowers die they decompose
Becoming the foundation for new life
By sacrificing themselves to winter
They pave the path to growth

You made me a flower garden
This winter I will let myself die
and when spring comes I will bloom again
I’ve never been so thankful to be broken