**** yourself R, worthless *** ****. You know no one gives a **** about you or your worthless degree. Entertainment
.... you go for entertainment when the world is ending... I always knew you were a worthless dumb ***** with no real sense of what’s occurring within the world. End it, stupid ******* ****

Never forget, a citizen of your **** country started the Anti-Vax movement. You stupid ******* ****, acting like your country is special, I hope you empty a clip into your skull. Dumb ******* ****, get measles and DIE ******* *****

There will come a time when the night air
won’t send chills down my spine
for it will no longer whisper your name.

I will stop telling stories about you,
for the moon has grew tired of hearing them
and weariness is an awful thing to feel.

The stars would appear
brighter than your eyes,
and I would hear lullabies again.

The winds would be warm,
the seas won’t crash waves,
and I will no longer drown.

an irony.

it means you have achieved in disgrace what I have always sought to be.

“What?
Hey let go,
Just stop it,
You can’t do this to me understand?
Help me
Help me
Please help,
Somebody.
.
You’ll regret this believe me
I’m going to ****** you.

I pity you.
You’ve consumed so many different personalities,
You’re sense of self is beginning to disintegrate, bit by bit.
And sadly,
You no longer know for sure which one of them is your true self.”
- Ep 13. K Project

I.
Where do I go from here?
Mind: “Move on.”
How can I?
Daniel,
How can we possibly find a better human than her?
“MOVE ON”
The mere thought pains me.
Heart pounding,
Blood pumping viciously.
Thoughts brew wildly calculating what I’ve done wrong.
Everything,
Negative.
How will I be able to recover from her?
She was my counterpart,
The one whom was connected to us.
We would finally have a real companion.
Finally,
For once, a real friend.
Have we ever had one, daniel?
Do you understand this pain M?

M.
Why couldn’t you have stayed?
Cherished what I offered,
And allowed me to rebuild with you,
that which I’ve aspired to share with another.
My willingness to love,
To appreciate,
To trust another,
To give another a chance like you had been given,
It has gone dormant again.
It was growing rapidly when we were together.
I was certain,
Claiming each morning before class,
This is yet another day,
I will spend with my future love.
For all our absence from each other,
I’d hoped you had waited for me.
As I had waited for you.
The other half of an illusionary love story that might actually pan out in my interest for once.
Hearing you move on,
Abandoning the trust we had been building.
It will surely cause a few nights of restlessness.
Surely another step deeper in isolation.
The cons of being an empathetic person.
I wanted you, darling.
More than any other.
But I must accept you do not desire me.
Not in a way in which I desire you.
Perhaps you do feel regret,
But not enough to change your mind,
Not enough to make you come back.
What I could have given you,
Is what I will always have on my mind.
Our laughter together,
our inquisitive chats,
our children.
Unimaginable for you, right?
Psychotic even perhaps.
That is what I saw in you, love.
I sought to grow with you,
Continue our goals,
And seek to one day be truly together.
To be in realization of my shattered dream,
Well,
I’m not sure you can imagine,
Nor can I explain.
It’s pain of a first love,
All over again.
It’s almost as if I can feel the memory paths of us slowly being erased.
Another experience with another,
Yet, I remain broken.

“Sorry for all this.
But I guess that’s that.

Don’t pretend to be sorry when you didn’t do anything to prevent it.
You knew it would come to this, and did nothing to help yourself.
This is the end, but it didn’t have to be.”

Hey you.

I’ve been pondering whether or not I should do this..
Seeing as our shared duration of interest with one another was so short.
Well,
On your end atleast.
However,
For myself,
And my own contentions,
I wished it had continued; so I will write one last time as a means to find some clarity in my delusions over you.

I.
I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for you.
That I would ignore the underlying feelings
that had been created the moment we met.
To this day, I share mixed feelings regarding us.
If there ever was an ‘us’.
Sometimes I talk to myself, convincing the inner mind that I should’ve tried harder with you, fought tooth and nail for you.
Yet,
Near our end,
I knew this wouldn’t fit your agenda.
You desired something else.
Something I completely disregard via my own experiences.
Once perhaps,
But now,
I seek the opposite.
A friend,
but more.
It’s always more with this body.
It cannot be satisfied by means that I am aware of.
But you.
For a moment,
which I’m sure you’ll doubt,
I was vividly content with my life whenever I was by your side.
For the first time in six years I felt what I had felt back then.
You broke rusted chains of bitter emotion that had restrained me,
that kept me in the dark and isolated me from my own positive emotions.
It’s been over a month now.
I feel immense pain over you,
Yet somehow it’s bearable this time.
I feel pain, and I feel nothing.
Two sides of my own coin that will remain separated,
And never to be conjoined.
Will I ever be able to better understand what I seek,
Or who I am?
Why must I be different from the others?
These questions remain foggy.
Nevertheless,
These sentences are not intended to make you feel guilty nor remorseful in any way.
I just needed to write I guess.
And how could I blame you?
You saved yourself a great deal of pain and difficultly fleeing whilst you had a chance.
Perhaps you never cared for me..
Or maybe you did.
I’ll never truly know,
and that’s what most saddening about our experience together.

Perhaps I am still paying off the debt of karma that was acquired from the first heart I broke.

II.
Whatever fate decides.
I will always miss you, beloved