Does it ever end,
this expanse of pain, and suffering.
I dont understand why,
why am I hear if I all I seemed to do is cry and waste away and crawl further into myself.
Please explain why I seem to see no end to this feeling i feel all the time.
Pain,
no matter if i am genuinely happy or sad, theres just this pain I feel.
Like I'm constantly in pain just for existing.
As if it will ever end as long as I have breathe in my lungs and speech on my tongue. It will just be pain.
I dont understand why.

I'm restless, I cant sleep.
This lump in my throat,
The burn in my eyes, the cold in my feet.
The salt on my cheeks, the pain in my back,
I'm restless, I cant sleep.
The pictures in my mind, when i close my eyes,
The sounds in my head, when I think too far,
The memories I feel, the wounds that wont heal.
I'm restless  and I cant sleep.
I'm afraid of what I'll be, if I cant wake up,
And be the person i was, before I was this me.

I always heard of the stories,
of what happened behind closed doors,
what people whispered about when it was spoken about on the news,

when you don't even bat and eyelid,
because it will never happen to you-
You'll never know that pain -

I thought -
And now, I cry. Because I was so fortunate before
And now I can't look at myself the same way.
I cant think the same way,
It -
Hurts to know I will never be the same.
Never.

So much to say,
no one to talk too.

/day 1/

Am I wrong to hate those who protest to be depressed and want to **** themselves when they have everything I wish I had?
When they say they hate their lives but there family is still together and money is never a problem.
It is wrong that I hate them for not being happy with what they have? When I'm forced to smile and carry on when it feels like I might just snap and break at any second.

What is all this worth?
Pain?
Suffering?
Unhappiness?
Will I only find peace after the end?
Will it ever end?