There’s a pain in my heart
that’s slowly tearing me apart
because I saw what they did to you.
Visualizing your pain
the agony you went through
I too
am now
suffering.

Our relationship has always been bumpy,
harboring nothing more than hatred and discontent
towards one another.
A part of me held hope that things would get better
between you and I,
between mother and son,
but
    the words
          you said
              that day...

"That's your problem - always asking why. You need to stop asking questions all the time, and just do what your told."

In that moment
I knew
that all hope was lost,
for your son is a wonderer
and will never stop wondering.
Until you understand that,
I guess you'll always consider me a misbehaved brat.

This world
filled with so many lies and misconceptions,
I find it hard to thrive, hard to make meaningful connections.
Life constantly focused on money, what to buy, on endless consumption,
is not a life I want to live, and is one that I'll eventually walk away from.
For now, like most, I endure; life enjoyed is seldom.
Just trying to be myself,
trying not to lose my mind in this ****** up conundrum
we call society.

In the euphoric silence of nothingness
letting go of everything that is
returning to your original state of being,
hatred fades
peace remains.

Light pulses throughout;
illumination fills the vessel.

Your soul
clean and clear
free of weight
can now fly.

Enlightenment?
In light he meant,
for he is no longer
surrounded
by shadows.

Shadows...
a little sad though,
the rest
are still lost
in darkness.

During those long, tedious 9-5 days,
glancing out the workplace windows,
sometimes I'll wish nothing more than
to just go outside and lie in the grass.
As I would lie there bathing in sunlight
the ground would come up, grab me
keeping me rooted in its dirt,
while the wind
would blow away my troubles.  

Some days I actually visualize it.
Me, slogging away the days work,
somehow whimsically stumbling outside.
I would arrive at the grass tired,
with a sad, dead look in my eyes.
Magically, the earth would rise up to greet me.
Hugging me, taking me in, it would whisper
"It's ok, your home now."

I tell myself I'm not afraid of dying.
But in truth,
the closer I get to perishing,
the more fearful I become of death.
I'll do almost anything to resist it.
In doing so, living life
becomes unbearable.
Never still, cuz death
is right around the corner.