When you texted me back
and said you were in the building,
my heart skipped.

I couldn't tell
if it was from relief that you responded,
or anxiety that you were so near.

I knew that if I saw you
I would either break down,
or become too numb to function.

But if I did not,
my mind would think up awful situations,
and send my panic level to the stars.

I can't help but wonder:
if we weren't so close,
would things be different?

I like to think
that if we were further apart,
I would have gone out to find you.

But instead, I stayed where I was.
Hoping you wouldn't pass by,
while at the same time needing to catch a glimpse.

You didn't text again

You and I
Watching the almost endless stars
Staring at the beautiful blue skies
Until we have nothing left to do

You and I
Making memories that last life times
Creating love that never dies
And producing feelings that warm our cold bodies

You and I
Forgetting every second
Frozen in time
Feeling every little movement
Until the warmness of our hearts
Sets us free

These are thing I only dream of
Because in reality you don't exist
It's only me, my thoughts and my dreams.

Those are all I have now
Because I don't let anyone become you
I'm to scared from last time
So I've grown to this mystery man

I've fooled myself to recognize this dark face
The personality that isn't real
The humor that doesn't exist
And the person that just isn't really there.

He is my wall that keeps me safe
The locks that keep me secure
and the love that keeps me sane

Until whoever you actually are can fill his place.

That bottle was the treasure, those pills were gold and I was the dark blue lake that was going to consume them.  
One by one, week by week.    
The lake added to its gold.      
It multiplied until there was enough to fill the treasure that was once empty.  
The lake destroyed passing ships to acquire this gold.
Ships that loved and adored this lake.  
It did this because that was the only act it knew how to do.
It knew no other way.
This lake felt guilty for the actions it had committed.
It took the treasure it worked so hard to get and consumed it into the lowest darkest depths it could find.
The lake bashed and bashed at It's  restraints until they all broke down.
That lake flowed out until it soon dried out and the only thing left was the empty treasure.

I've had many wishes in life.
They said they were to much to ask for.
So these are just simply some simple ones.
                                      
The feel of your luscious lips softly hugging mine.        

Our hearts completely in sync but still racing to see who can beat faster.    

A frozen tongue from over flowing nervousness.                              

And your soft fingers caringly curved between mine, creating a perfect pattern.                          

Is that too much to ask for?

I've always been scared of the new beginning that never comes.
The endless thoughts of "Is it time?"
Little Worthless hope.

Time passes dime by dime.
Age grows one by one.
Till time runs out and you think your last thought.
"Is it time?"

Date, February 10th, 2025.
Failed the promise I made myself freshman year.
"Promise me you'll make it till you're 30"

No one to blame but myself.
My journey had ended.
It was my time.