you know when you miss someone so much
it’s like tsunami tides washing over you
and it almost hurts to breathe
you just stand there, not knowing what to do
overcome with emotions that makes you think of days long gone
and people that have walked away from you.

i didn’t expect you to be gone so soon—
i feel like our conversation is still hanging in the air
just waiting to be continued

i still have so many things to say to you
but i guess they’re going to have to be
left unsaid, forever stuck in my throat

sometimes i sit here with my heartache
raging quietly inside of myself
and i don’t know what to do with my hands
my chest feels tight
and i feel like i am drowning

i want this feeling to stop now but i know it’s going to take a while
so i just sit here and try to repress it
because i don’t want to let it overcome me.

i know i'm not as sad as i let myself believe
but sometimes it all just feels so real

what is this in front of me?
this false notion of what i'd like to be
take it away; i can't see
this is too painful to be a reality

i'm caught up in all the wrong things
and got my affections stuck in all the wrong places
silly me, will i ever learn this time?
i've been here a thousand times
and all i've done about it is rhyme

there really is no excuse;
maybe i am just a desperate soul
but i know the truth and i think that makes it worse

come here
don't come here
hold my hand
but not my heart

i just need someone to love me but i don't want to fall in love.

but the truth is
i never wanted to be alone

i just wanted to get away
from those who don't understand
whatever the hell is going on
inside of my soul

because there's so much conflict
and thoughts wrestling inside
of my brain;

i don't need to be around someone
who doesn't understand it

so, i guess, i chose solitude
if you can even really call it that

i'm stuck in a cage made out of
my own fears
whether they be fiction or real

(who knows the difference
between them nowadays
anyway?)

and now i'm just learning to try again
because all i've been doing is
giving up on myself and everyone else.

there are days when it feels heavy
and the wait is too long for me to take
so i try to make pretend that there is no longer real
and instead here is all that exists

but i know you–
you and i are alive at the same time

we are living under the same blanket of stars

we see the same moon

one day the distance will close
the miles will melt away like snow
and it will be beautiful

but for now, we wait,
and we cling onto the hand of the Maker
who is all in all and more than enough
to fill the emptiness in the cavity of our chests

we will walk that way, my darling, and soon
but we must learn to walk with Love Himself
if we want to walk it well

until then,

we wait.

i got the feeling
i was losing control
felt like i drank
too much wine
or had too much caffeine
in my bloodstream

the walls felt like
they were crashing
down all around me
there was too much air
but i couldn't breathe

you were like
a panic attack
coming on

i hated
every
minute
of it.