I live in a constant state of detachment;
Desperately seeking feeling.
Feeling of any kind.

I think a lot of thoughts,
At 4am.
And I only ever think of you.

As much as I want to believe you’ve changed, I know the reality of the situation is, you haven’t.
You’re the same beautifully, ****** up boy I knew those many months before. You scare me.
And now I'm endlessly self-destructing, on your account.

He continued to sing sweet ideas of romance into her eager ears and when she finally allowed her heart to flutter and butterflies to dance in her stomach, he would leave. It was a never ending cycle she wished she could stop. But at the end of the day, when she was crying every last tear out of her swollen eyes, she would close them and relive every single memory they’ve had together, allowing her to feel like she was with him, when in fact, she was farther away from him than she ever was.

She hasn't let anyone in since the boy before you. The first one broke her heart; leaving it shattered in a million pieces. But she fixed herself.
Not entirely; but to a point where getting out of bed in the morning wasn't totally impossible. Where her bones didn't ache and her skin didn't burn.
Maybe you were consumed by you; too concerned with the fears and desires of your own self to recognize the fears and desires of others. Maybe you just didn't want to experience the past once over. But that's life.
Your touch is now etched into her pale skin and every man's touch after will feel like ice. She will shy away, for tears will brim her eyes; desperately wanting to feel the heat again. To feel air. To be able to breathe.
Because she hasn't been able to. No. Not since you.
She loves you. She always has. But you couldn't give a **** about her.

Your skin is sheet white,
And your mind carries scars.
Your hair isn't clean much,
Lungs black with tar.
You love to argue,
About how ****** up we are.
But I still love you.

You keep me sane, but only when I'm in your arms.
I know you could never have given me what I needed, but I still yearn for you; through my every waking moment and even in my dreams.
Oh God, especially in my dreams.
I wish I could tell you these things, but I sit here; writing it all down, in hopes that one day you'll find this and know it's about you. Maybe you'll finally realize how much I loved you.  Maybe you'll realize that while you were claiming temporary residence in someone else's arms, you always had a permanent home in mine. You will always have a home in me. Even years from now, you will.