At times, it feels my life’s been spent
Crawling through a tunnel, tight and bent
No room to stretch, no breath to spare
Just inch by inch through stifling air

It grips my ribs, it binds my chest,
But still, I crawl, I do my best.
It hurts, it aches, it steals my breath
But forward still, I crawl from death

There is no door, no secret track
No turning ’round, no going back
The only way is straight and true
The only way is pushing through

But I could swear this tunnel has no end
No torch, flare, curve, or bend
Just black on black, and cold like bone
I’ve called this narrow dark my own

Yet what becomes of one like me,
Who’s known the dark so constantly?
What happens when I reach the day,
And light attempts to guide my way?
What will it do to skin grown pale,
To bones that knew the dark so well?

Will sunlight scorch this shadowed flesh,
That’s only known the tunnel’s mesh?
Will open skies just make me blind,
Too much for one so far behind?

This flesh was wrapped in shadow’s arms,
It learned to see in night’s alarms
This skin knows only hush and shade,
Will warmth be more than I can take?

I dream of comfort, of golden air,
But tremble at its blistered glare.
The things I crave, the things I seek,
Are often sharp, and never meek.

To live, to heal, to see things through,
I fear the joy as much as the blue.
For pain and dark are twined in me,
And freedom stings like memory.

The dreams I hold are stitched with fright
Each hope I touch could spark or bite
For even joy can twist and sear
When light itself becomes a fear

My soul is a house with a flickering light,
A place I should visit only at night
But I linger inside through each hour of day,
Too fearful to leave, too scared to stray

For if I step out, who might wander in?
Or trace my path with a quiet grin?
Someone’s been here once, left it in shreds
I rebuilt the walls, repainted the threads

But you never broke the door,
You didn’t sneak across the floor
I led you in, I gave you the key,
I said, “What’s mine is yours with me.”

You smiled and said you’d always stay,
But forever’s not what I could say
The thought alone had made me shake,
My hands grew cold, my ribs would ache

I had no reason I could show,
No proof except my urgent “No.”
And so I packed your things with care,
And said, “My soul is mine to bear.”

I asked you gently not to call,
Not to return, not touch the walls
But still I see where you once stood,
The echo of you in grain and wood

Your footprints marked the fragile floor,
Your scent still clings behind the door
No matter how I wash or clean,
The stain you left will still be seen

I locked each window, shut each shade,
Afraid of how much love can fade
I stay inside, I don’t invite,
For history burns, and I’ve learned fright

No knocks, no keys, no turning back,
I keep my soul beneath its cracks
It’s mine alone, I roam no more,
Not when I’ve seen what came before

No one talks about the fall
From prayer to silence, slow and small
It doesn’t strike in just one night,
But creeps in shadows, out of sight

Years ago, I broke and cried,
For something small, but deep inside
I thought: This is what I deserve
For all the sins I failed to swerve

So I repented, knees to floor,
Begged Him not to close the door
Swore I’d never doubt again,
Promised to obey, refrain

I changed my name, my words, my skin,
Buried the truth I held within
That thought was foolish, I would say,
And cast myself in shame away

I made others feel it, too
The hate I couldn’t work through
But it wasn’t hate, not really so
Just fear I wasn’t brave to show

You spend your life in sacred chains,
So leaving isn’t clear or plain
I said, “I’m done, I’ve let it go,”
But deep inside, I didn’t know

Each time I sat alone too long,
The doubts would sing a sacred song
And I would whisper in my head:
If I am wrong, guide me instead.

The guilt, the fear, it wore me thin,
A war I could not seem to win
That loop held tight for months, for years
A mess of faith, and shame, and tears

I don’t know when it slipped away,
But now I simply never pray
No need to fear what isn’t there,
No sky to watch, no eyes to stare

But still, the marks it left are deep,
In tiny ways they always creep
I never eat what once was banned,
Still choose the right, not left, hand

I mumble thanks before each bite,
Though no one’s listening in the night
I bless myself when I let sneeze,
Out of habit more than peace

And when religion finds a seat
In passing talk or crowded street,
Where once I’d freeze or brace or lie,
I simply blink and let it by

I no longer believe, but still I see
The shape faith carved so deep in me
It built my fears, it stilled my voice,
And never once gave me a choice

But now I’m here, no wrath, no flame
Just me, and echoes of a name
The god is gone, the grief remains
In whispered thoughts and stubborn chains

What’s the worst that I could lose?
Just myself, and that I choose,
Again, again, I set the stage,
Then hand the script to someone’s rage

They smiled, I bent, I let them take,
Till I was hollow for their sake
I stitched my wounds with quiet grace,
And wore the pain like silk and lace

What harm could saying “yes” have done?
Just one more time, then I’ll be gone
But patterns loop like haunted tracks,
And every step just pulls me back

A softer voice, a trembling hand,
I thought that they would understand
But wolves, they come in human clothes,
And kindness is the path they chose

I saw the signs, I knew the script,
Yet still I let my edges slip
And in the name of “keeping peace,”
I fed the beast and called it “lease”

My heart was built to house a storm,
To twist itself in every form
And though I tried to say goodbye,
I let them in, I don’t know why

The bruises weren’t the kind you see,
They grew like roots inside of me
But I have learned: I am the gate,
Not every guest deserves my fate

So if you knock with hungry hands,
Expect to meet someone who stands
No more of me will be poured out to fill
The hollow space of someone’s will

I wish I could project the past,
Play every scene and frame it fast,
A channel made of memory’s hue,
So all I love could see it too

They’d see the tremble in my hand,
The way my breath would barely stand,
The way a glance could make me break,
The way all of me was more than fake

Poetry mimics what hearts convey,
It paints with words that we can’t say
Though poetry holds pain and grace,
It cannot write a warm embrace

I’ve got stories to tell, whole worlds in my head,
But the ink runs dry when I’m close to the thread
Some things are sacred, too real to share,
Moments too fragile for open air

You love the boy I let you find,
But he is made, not born, in mind
A crafted mask, a practiced art,
A ghost of self, a split apart

He smiles on cue, he speaks with grace,
But he is only in my place
An echo dressed in borrowed light,
A shadow playing at being right

Yet still you love this polished shell,
The tale I spin, the dream I sell
But if you saw what lies beneath,
Would kindness turn to ash and grief?

If truth uncoiled from under skin,
Would love collapse from where it’s been?
Would you still look me in the eye,
If I told you this “me” was a lie?

You’ve hurt me more than you may know,
But still, I’d never strike a blow
I took your pain, I wore your shame,
Yet dream of flames I cannot name

For what I dream to do, to say,
Would wash your peace like stars away
A wave no surfer’s strength could bear,
You’d drown in tears, stripped raw and bare

You cry at oceans—I at stars,
At nebulae and bleeding scars
Your grief is deep, but not like mine,
I’ve swallowed time, and called it fine

I am not Earth, nor built for ease,
Not shaped by gardens, sun, or trees
I am a moon of Saturn’s brood,
Born of ash and solitude

Among her moons, I spin and burn,
While others freeze and never yearn
They orbit close with silent pride,
I flare with longing none can hide

I am the ember in her ice,
A misfit fire in rings precise
I circle like the rest must do,
But always dream of something new

My gaze is fixed beyond her light,
To Earth’s pale moon in endless night
That single sphere in velvet black,
Whose face reflects the love I lack

I ache to break this orbit’s bind,
To find a home more like my mind
I gaze toward Earth, where one moon glows,
Faint and familiar, through the cosmos it shows

For if I left this frigid ring,
What would my solemn Saturn think?
If I, the ember in her shade,
Defied the path tradition made?

Would Saturn weep, or would she rage?
Would guilt confine me to this cage?
Or would she sigh, and let me fly—
To chase the moon that caught my eye?