i lie still
in the morning
and watch the sunrise
creep up
my wall
to the white
of my ceiling

bathed in grey light
subdued
by unfallen rain

i wish the rays
of sun
were your eyes
moving
over me

sometimes
i turn out all the lights
and stumble
in the dark

because all i see
with the lights on
is electricity
and certainty

sometimes it's better
to almost
stumble down
the stairs
and be saved by shadows
instead
of paleness

let me hold your hand
and caress your wrist
barely
with my fingertips

look me in the eyes
and look away

i wish it was guilt
but guilt
isn't the synonym
for shame
and shame
is beige
and unrelenting
it's never halting
because
it's only
your conscience
you know

so move your hand
israel
and palestine

it seems to be so easy
to press
the red button

why then,
is the aftermath
so ******* hard