feeling tired and uninspired
i find myself being more in love
with characters from books
than i ever was with you.

I am a part of the 90's generation. Born to the world in the midst of heartaches and solitude. We dwell in shadows to hide our eyes from the brutal sunlight and we shy away from the darkness that corrupts and destroys. Through the fog that clouds our judgement we see ourselves and collapse any reflective surface that shows the satin devils in our iris. We break mirrors and hearts along our way and indulge ourselves in life's only certainty:
Self hate rules all.

Such slight pain.
Such a little scar.
Not a lot of hurt.
I won't go far.

Not too deep.
Just til I bleed.
Please believe me.
This is what I need.

I'd rather die
Than live this way.
But you need me here
So I'll have to stay.

So just one more time.
Keep me living.
Is this the end
Or just the beginning.

How dare you call yourself pro life
And then make me want to **** myself

How dare you say that you're a Christian
And then act with hatred and intolerance

How dare you tell your friends about your new diet plan
While I'm silently throwing up dinner upstairs

How dare you ignore and insult me
And then get angry at the fact that I'm withdrawn

How dare you tell me you love me
While my tears flow down my bruising cheek

How dare you destroy me on the inside
And wonder why I'm showing it on the outside

How dare you boast about my high grades
When you used to call me stupid when I was slow to learn

And how ******* dare you call yourself my mother
When you've become my worst enemy

Her mother pushed religious ******* down her throat
But she refused to listen
Her mother pulled her hair and took away her hope
But she had accepted long ago her mothers love had conditions
Her mother always let her get caught in the crossfire of her anger
But she just locked herself in her room to forget
Her mother constantly called her a failure
But she didn't need her mother to remind her of her regrets
Her mother was fed up with her passive aggressive behavior
But she knew she deserved better than this neglect
Her mother always yelled at her for never talking
And she let hollow silence be her reply
It wasn't until her mother said "You should **** yourself."
That she happily complied

My words aren't  graceful or eloquent
I've never been a good writer
And everything I want to say sounds inadequate
I can never find the right words to say
I could write volumes about you
But everything just comes out as a cliche
So I'll just listen to a love song
Because everyone's better at saying what I think
It's not unusual that you leave me tongue tied with no response
And everytime I try to string letters in a coherent  thought
I just get your name
Only your name