kamusta, mahal? malungkot ka na naman.
alam kong nahihirapan ka ngayon, at mas nasasaktan ako dahil alam kong wala akong magagawa para lang mapasaya ka sa kahit anong paraan.
mahal na mahal kita.
pero ang bersyon na minahal ko, ang ikaw na minahal ko, ay ang ikaw na ginawa niya - ang ikaw na nagmahal sa kanya, ang ikaw na sinaktan niya. ang mga bagay na kinagugustuhan mo ngayon ay mga bagay na kinagustuhan rin niya.
at mahal, ang tanging hiling ko lang ay makilala ka kung sino ka bago siya. kung ano nga ba talaga ang nagpapasaya sa 'yo na hindi naman siya ang gumawa. kung paano ka ngumiti at tumawa ng hindi dahil sa kanya. dahil mahal, mahal na mahal mo siya kahit sinaktan ka niya, kaya't binago mo ng lubos ang sarili mo para mahalin ka.
pero nandito ako para mahalin ka kung sino ka, at hindi kung sino ang ginawa niya.
isa lang akong babaeng may papel at panulat. isang babaeng umaasang ang mga salita kong ito balang araw ay magiging sapat.
para lang maging masaya ka.
marahil ay malabong mangyari na maging masaya ka pa kahit na wala siya. marahil ay hindi na maibabalik ang ikaw bago mo siya makilala.
gusto lang kitang makitang tunay na masaya.
kahit hindi na ako ang maging rason pa.
kahit hindi ako ang dahilan ng mga tawa **** malakas. kahit hindi na ako ang makakita ng ngiti mo na walang lungkot na bumabakas.
kahit alam kong kung wala ka, mahirap harapin ang bukas.
nakatakda siguro talagang hindi ako ang taong magmamahal sa 'yo at mamahalin mo sa buhay. nakatakda sigurong hindi ko mahahawakan ang iyong kamay. kahit sabihin mo ngayong mahal mo rin ako, alam kong hindi iyon tunay. ngunit mahal, ayos lang. basta lang makita kitang masaya.
dahil mahal na mahal kita.

tila mapurol na ang gamit na patalim
na sa bawat pagbakas ay lalong dumidiin
baka sa susunod, sasapat na ang lalim
para makalimutan ang bagay na madilim

may dala-dalang bagahe na balak lunurin
sa iilang bote ng matapang na inumin
umaasang tulad nito sana ay ako rin
(maging matapang, o malunod din?)

magpaplano sa isip ng sariling libing
idadaan na lang sa yosi at paglalasing
hanggang atay at baga ko'y maging itim
para terno sa damit ng mga dadating

isa pang sigarilyo ang ilalagay sa bibig
pilit lalanghapin ang nikotina sa dibdib
hanggang di na matukoy ang dahilan ng sakit
hanggang makalimutan ang lahat ng pait.

when people ask me
why im sad
is it bad to say
that im sad
because i am?
maybe im just meant
to be sad
'cause some people find
happiness
while some stay sad.
and i'd happily
give way, dear
for you to find yours,
no matter
the consequences.

hey mom, lately I haven't been okay
don't you see as you look me in the eye everyday?
the circles under my eyes are a little too deep
although nowadays all that I do is sleep

mom, last month, someone at school tried suicide
downing a bottle of paracetamol as he cried
I wanted to tell you about him, 'cause now he's dead,
but I remembered some of the things that you said

when the other day you were at the drug store
you heard someone overdosed on paracetamol
you laughed then you said, "why hold back at all?
why not drink poison? that'll work for sure!"

mom, I looked it up, it only takes fifteen tablets
fifteen of paracetamol and it'll send me straight to a casket
mom, what if I were that overdosing teen?
if I take only fourteen, would you tell me the same thing?

mom, I've been starving myself - I hardly eat
I don't know how I'm still managing on my feet
that's fine anyway, you told me I should go on a diet
so go on and tell me that I'm fat, I'll just keep quiet

hey mom, my arms are lined up with slits
but you're worried about if my clothes still fit
so I'll keep my mouth shut, I won't make things bigger
maybe if I tell my friends I'll feel a little better

mom, everyone keeps telling me I'm depressed
that I've got all these emotions inside me supressed
I only listen to you, mom, and I ignore the rest
after all, doesn't the saying go "mother knows best"?

mom, if I wanted to die, what would you do?
'cause if I tell you, I feel like you'd just say, "me, too!"
don't worry, mom, if I'm suddenly gone one day
I've learned to hate myself because of you anyway

mom, everyday is becoming a little too tough
I'm just holding on 'til I can cut deep enough
maybe it would be a nice surprise for me and you
if killing myself is something I finally do.

You constantly worry no one will love you
For reasons you're not entirely certain of
If "we accept the love we think we deserve,"
What made you think you deserve so little, love?
You beat yourself up, always watching the clock
To waste wishes on 11:11
Hoping someone would love you, but sadly, dear,
You forget that I love you without wishes.
I'll keep an eye on the clock, my heart on watch,
Hoping that someday, you'll learn to stop wishing.
'Til then, I'll wait for 11:11.

m a h i l i g  a k o
sa mga bituin
sa malamig na hangin
sa matamis na awitin
kay sarap dinggin
       lalo kung para sa 'kin.

n g u n i t  m a s  h i l i g  k o
mga mata **** tila bituin
mga mapungay na tingin
tuwing nakatitig sa akin
(para 'kong tutumba sa hangin--)
       ikaw at ikaw pa rin.

t u l a d  n a  l a n g  n g  h i l i g  k o
sa mga bagay na hinihiling
mga bagay na 'di para sa 'kin ang alamin
bagay na nararapat lang sa dalangin
mga bagay na maaari lang hingin
       pero hindi kailanman angkinin.

today, i say hello to you
only to say goodbye;
i'll find comfort in your presence
today for the last time.

you used to be my safe haven
my peace, my tranquility
but things are simply meant to end
and it's our time now, maybe.

with the peace we had hand in hand
came the anxiety in my heart
because even back then somehow i knew
that we would fall apart.

and maybe it's time to find comfort
in something that isn't you
because although you were the best for me,
i'll never be good for you.

so today, my love, i say goodbye,
the most bittersweet of words,
as for my mind now walks away,
my heart remains yours, undeterred.

you don't know that i know when you keep secrets
i hope it's not something you make into a habit.
and it *****, the way i know you so well --
that i know you without effort, in or out of your shell.
'cause i know you hide something but unlike before
you never open up to me anymore.
but you know i'm here for you, and like always,
i'll wait for you to tell me no matter how long it takes.

"There is only one god,
and his name is death.
And there is only one thing
we say to death --
'not today.'"*
Day by day it gets a little harder
but these traces on our wrists
we wear as battlescars.
So we say --
not today.

something's wrong with the way i'm thinking
everything easily gets infuriating
all sense of rationality slowly dissipating
as i whole-heartedly embrace the idiot i'm being
i can't be assed to "do my best"
leaning more and more towards "let God do the rest"
full-on acting depressed
hell, no one's impressed
hoping i'd give myself some sort of healing
trying to fill whatever's left of my heart with words so inspiring
well, i did try, but i'm quite definitely failing
'cause a new habit of mine's giving every little thing meaning
like a downright proper poet
when really, my most honest line of all would be "***** it"
maybe someday i'll be able to get through it
though first i should probably stop preaching and actually do it
and i'd just try to seek comfort in my usual scene
but lately it's started involving nicotine
well, quite the rocky ride it has been
who knows if you'll hear another word from me again?

i think maybe you felt
a little angry at the world.
i loved you anyway.
and maybe you thought
no one could love you.
i loved you anyway.
you said you were broken
i didn't really care.
i loved you anyway.
maybe you wished you were gone
to end all the hurt.
i loved you anyway.
i don't know if i'm enough
though i wish to disappear, too.
i loved you anyway.
maybe i hoped we could be gone together
but you preferred to be alone.
i loved you anyway.

maybe all this time
you didn't know i was there.
i still love you, anyway.

sometimes i regret
that we fell apart
and it's been a while
but i ask myself
if we patched up things
and started again
do we even know each other anymore?
would we still laugh at
the same silly jokes
and fight over the same
ridiculous things?
and it's times like these
that i realize
i should probably move on and forget you.
if it's that easy
(god, i wish it was)
then i shouldn't be
getting worked up on
questions and quizzes
of ifs and maybes.
*if i did that, maybe it won't hurt as much.

did you think
you could drive me away
with your broken heart and watery eyes?
just your luck,
i'd a thing for sappy.

did you think
your demons frightened me
just the way they've haunted you all your life?
i've enough
of my demons, thank you.

my friends tell me i'm lucky because of my face
i could spend the whole night up and there wouldn't be a trace
no telltale bags or dark circles to show -
who would know?

i could be crying for hours and my eyes wouldn't swell
once i put on a smile, there's no way you can tell
simply wipe them away no matter how much tears flow
who would know?

i could scream quite loud and my voice wouldn't be hoarse
(it's particularly useful when i scream in remorse!)
the next day, i'd still greet you with a cheery "hello"
who would know?

guess i'm lucky for these things, but i wish it wasn't so
would feel nice if i'm asked if something's wrong, although
if you actually do, i'll probably just say no
who would know?