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meliza Jan 7
lately i've become convinced
something's off with the world's design
because it keeps reminding me of you
and the fact that you're no longer mine.

finding pieces of you here and there
like debris scattered by the wind
maybe these pieces were once part of my heart,
each one a what-if, another could-have-been.

i'd find you in a line in a book
or in the road on my way home
hell - everything is a reminder of you
if i try and think of you alone.

but i guess it's not all that bad
remembering you in all these little ways
'cause this way, i can pretend you're back
even though you've gone away.

and you'll keep on coming back to me
like the lyrics of a song
but it looks like it'll take some time
before i can finally sing along.
meliza Jan 7
I've long stopped believing in religion
Long known it's all just bogus
I just can't seem to find my place
Between these long, empty pews

And I've never actually felt at peace
From those countless peace-be-with-you's
And what need do I have for a choir
When the voices in my head are in chorus?
meliza Jan 7
m a h i l i g  a k o
sa mga bituin
sa malamig na hangin
sa matamis na awitin
kay sarap dinggin
       lalo kung para sa 'kin.

n g u n i t  m a s  h i l i g  k o
mga mata **** tila bituin
mga mapungay na tingin
tuwing nakatitig sa akin
(para 'kong tutumba sa hangin--)
       ikaw at ikaw pa rin.

t u l a d  n a  l a n g  n g  h i l i g  k o
sa mga bagay na hinihiling
mga bagay na 'di para sa 'kin ang alamin
bagay na nararapat lang sa dalangin
mga bagay na maaari lang hingin
       pero hindi kailanman angkinin.
trying to rekindle my passion for writing.
meliza Jun 2018
tila mapurol na ang gamit na patalim
na sa bawat pagbakas ay lalong dumidiin
baka sa susunod, sasapat na ang lalim
para makalimutan ang bagay na madilim

may dala-dalang bagahe na balak lunurin
sa iilang bote ng matapang na inumin
umaasang tulad nito sana ay ako rin
(maging matapang, o malunod din?)

magpaplano sa isip ng sariling libing
idadaan na lang sa yosi at paglalasing
hanggang atay at baga ko'y maging itim
para terno sa damit ng mga dadating

isa pang sigarilyo ang ilalagay sa bibig
pilit lalanghapin ang nikotina sa dibdib
hanggang di na matukoy ang dahilan ng sakit
hanggang makalimutan ang lahat ng pait.
i havent written for a while. it seems like i've completely lost the ability to write.
meliza Feb 2018
hey mom, lately I haven't been okay
don't you see as you look me in the eye everyday?
the circles under my eyes are a little too deep
although nowadays all that I do is sleep

mom, last month, someone at school tried suicide
downing a bottle of paracetamol as he cried
I wanted to tell you about him, 'cause now he's dead,
but I remembered some of the things that you said

when the other day you were at the drug store
you heard someone overdosed on paracetamol
you laughed then you said, "why hold back at all?
why not drink poison? that'll work for sure!"

mom, I looked it up, it only takes fifteen tablets
fifteen of paracetamol and it'll send me straight to a casket
mom, what if I were that overdosing teen?
if I take only fourteen, would you tell me the same thing?

mom, I've been starving myself - I hardly eat
I don't know how I'm still managing on my feet
that's fine anyway, you told me I should go on a diet
so go on and tell me that I'm fat, I'll just keep quiet

hey mom, my arms are lined up with slits
but you're worried about if my clothes still fit
so I'll keep my mouth shut, I won't make things bigger
maybe if I tell my friends I'll feel a little better

mom, everyone keeps telling me I'm depressed
that I've got all these emotions inside me supressed
I only listen to you, mom, and I ignore the rest
after all, doesn't the saying go "mother knows best"?

mom, if I wanted to die, what would you do?
'cause if I tell you, I feel like you'd just say, "me, too!"
don't worry, mom, if I'm suddenly gone one day
I've learned to hate myself because of you anyway

mom, everyday is becoming a little too tough
I'm just holding on 'til I can cut deep enough
maybe it would be a nice surprise for me and you
if killing myself is something I finally do.
meliza Mar 2017
You constantly worry no one will love you
For reasons you're not entirely certain of
If "we accept the love we think we deserve,"
What made you think you deserve so little, love?
You beat yourself up, always watching the clock
To waste wishes on 11:11
Hoping someone would love you, but sadly, dear,
You forget that I love you without wishes.
I'll keep an eye on the clock, my heart on watch,
Hoping that someday, you'll learn to stop wishing.
'Til then, I'll wait for 11:11.
meliza Mar 2017
kamusta, mahal? malungkot ka na naman.
alam kong nahihirapan ka ngayon, at mas nasasaktan ako dahil alam kong wala akong magagawa para lang mapasaya ka sa kahit anong paraan.
mahal na mahal kita.
pero ang bersyon na minahal ko, ang ikaw na minahal ko, ay ang ikaw na ginawa niya - ang ikaw na nagmahal sa kanya, ang ikaw na sinaktan niya. ang mga bagay na kinagugustuhan mo ngayon ay mga bagay na kinagustuhan rin niya.
at mahal, ang tanging hiling ko lang ay makilala ka kung sino ka bago siya. kung ano nga ba talaga ang nagpapasaya sa 'yo na hindi naman siya ang gumawa. kung paano ka ngumiti at tumawa ng hindi dahil sa kanya. dahil mahal, mahal na mahal mo siya kahit sinaktan ka niya, kaya't binago mo ng lubos ang sarili mo para mahalin ka.
pero nandito ako para mahalin ka kung sino ka, at hindi kung sino ang ginawa niya.
isa lang akong babaeng may papel at panulat. isang babaeng umaasang ang mga salita kong ito balang araw ay magiging sapat.
para lang maging masaya ka.
marahil ay malabong mangyari na maging masaya ka pa kahit na wala siya. marahil ay hindi na maibabalik ang ikaw bago mo siya makilala.
gusto lang kitang makitang tunay na masaya.
kahit hindi na ako ang maging rason pa.
kahit hindi ako ang dahilan ng mga tawa **** malakas. kahit hindi na ako ang makakita ng ngiti mo na walang lungkot na bumabakas.
kahit alam kong kung wala ka, mahirap harapin ang bukas.
nakatakda siguro talagang hindi ako ang taong magmamahal sa 'yo at mamahalin mo sa buhay. nakatakda sigurong hindi ko mahahawakan ang iyong kamay. kahit sabihin mo ngayong mahal mo rin ako, alam kong hindi iyon tunay. ngunit mahal, ayos lang. basta lang makita kitang masaya.
dahil mahal na mahal kita.
I know that there's others that deserve you / but my darling, I am still in love with you
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