How I know she didn't "love" me
(How I know she wasn't meant to be my lover)
She was cleaning off her books shelves
told me of all the stories that she loved
and how she was boxing them up
getting rid of them
and never once did she ask if I would keep some safe for her
She was picking paint colors for her bedroom
a room five minutes walking distance from mine
and never once did she ask me to come paint with her
She liked to be close
with everyone
in ways that she never once told me explicitly
baby, that's consent
She made lists of things that were important to her
to have in a lover
so I memorized how she takes her tea
but never once did she have tea with me
Never once did she call me
skype me
show up with a surprise
it was all texting
the rare date
she once let me borrow a book
so sure we have good memories too
but never once do I think back to her
and feel loved
Writing angry poems about you now because I'm finally realizing that you don't want me and I don't need you because someone else has taught we what happy feels like