How I know she didn't "love" me
(How I know she wasn't meant to be my lover)
She was cleaning off her books shelves
told me of all the stories that she loved
and how she was boxing them up
getting rid of them
and never once did she ask if I would keep some safe for her

She was picking paint colors for her bedroom
a room five minutes walking distance from mine
and never once did she ask me to come paint with her

She liked to be close
with everyone
in ways that she never once told me explicitly
baby, that's consent

She made lists of things that were important to her
to have in a lover
so I memorized how she takes her tea
but never once did she have tea with me

Never once did she call me
skype me
show up with a surprise
it was all texting
the rare date
she once let me borrow a book
so sure we have good memories too
but never once do I think back to her
and feel loved