So this is what its like to be in love.
When every second spent with you is time not wasted
When every spontaneous gift or kiss means the world
Your smile brightens my day
I could swim a mile
In your too blue eyes
When I'm close to your family
And closer to you
Than anyone
When I trust you more than anyone
I can be myself and know
you won't judge
Our friends refer to us as a unit
Because we're the best team
When the feeling of your lips
pressed against mine
is the most comforting thing i know
Our hands are like
the gears of a clock
Designed to fit together
Your eyes and mine
Fixed like points in time
Hearts racing
Eyes closing
Lips touching
Your hands on my waist
My hands around your neck
We were made for each other
I can feel it
In the way we
Touch
Speak
And act
Every love song was written about us it seems
If anyone asked,
What it was like to be in love
With your best friend
I'd say
Like the world is finally right
Like I'm finally okay
And I know what's right for me

Love feels like you.

I constantly try to pinpoint the moment
When liking a song
Transforms
Into knowing every word
Liking the album
Falling in love with the band
For better or for worse
When the songs on your iPod
Turn into mosh pits at a concert
Where the only emotions are
Adrenaline
Hope
Joy
Love
Unity
When did a band
Become a piece of me?
How did hearing "nine in the afternoon"
At the pool
Become band merch
Concerts
Dedication
When did hearing songs in your truck
Turn into meeting Jason Lancaster
Braving 112 degree weather
All for the music
When did music
Become a valid medication
For this depression I face
And sometimes I sit and wonder
"Where would I be without music?"

I'm not quite sure how to say this
Cuz I'm awkward and trip over my words
But dear,
I will try.

I'm so grateful I met you
And you make me smile every day
You're a thought that gets me up in the morning
And you mean more to me than I say.

Your laugh
Your voice
And your eyes
You're just adorable in every way

I want your company always
I hope you treasure mine as well
You make me happy.
And all I want
Is for you to stay.

I have this queer little problem
Where my insides and outsides can't agree
You like me and I want to hold your hand
Yet I move my hand away from you so you don't think I'm trying anything
I know you need a self confidence boost
I want to tell you how cute you are sometimes
But I'll keep quiet or say something sarcastic
That beats down on you even more
I want to flirt back with you cuz I like you
But I'll shrug you off
Roll my eyes
Scoff
Because my inside-to-outside is broken
And I think
Just maybe
Dear
To fix it I'll need your love.
So know this next time I hurt you
When I distance myself
I just want you to hold me.
When I say something rude
I can't handle how perfect you are right now.
When I shrug you off
I just wanted to flirt back with you
I know I'm a mess of emotion
Like a leftover bag full of scraps
But the one thing dear
Though I don't show it
I love you.
To have you know it
Its all I try to do.

I wrote you so many poems, dear.
My feelings towards you never the same
At the start you were what Love Is
And suddenly I realize I don't miss you.
But miss you? I did, because I'm addicted to your lies.
We know what killed our love, distance.
Though that stupid little turtle necklace still meant so much.
Our phone calls were wonderous, though they ended so sudden.
So when a sudden text arrives from you
I stare at my screen in shock
"I'm moving back in three weeks"
My heart suddenly stops beating
Not of fear
Or love
Anger
Or sadness
But confusion
What will become of us?
My heart bleeds a rainbow of emotion
I don't know what I feel any more.
The fine lines between happy and sad
The lines between love and loathe
Dissolve in an instant as I still stare.
I could cry and laugh and scream
Because whatever we are now
We'll never be the same again.

I see emotions in the weather
Every color a quirky new phrase
I pick apart my feelings like a flower petal
"He loves me, he loves me not"
I question all but nothing
Though nothing inspires me too
I try to define my emotion
A force that cannot be reigned
A story behind every person
A book full of words to be read
So forgive me family and friends
When I read you like an open book
But I can see everything you hide
The sadness in your eyes
The nervous tick at your side
I know who you are
what you feel
Don't be alarmed that i see you
Not for the makeup and jewelry
I see your raw hate and disgust
Your severe lack of trust
But this is not something to fear
Because there's nothing more fascinating than people
Their faccade and their lies and their guilt
But we people
We're all something beautiful
For seeing your human beauty
Apologize?
I won't.

I had a dream last night
It started off plain
We were playing video games at your house like always
You put your arms around me
like always
You flirt with me
like always
But this time when you put your arms around me
You did something unusual
Your face got so close to mine
You were trying to kiss me
But when our lips were only a sliver apart
You stopped
I will never know why
We were so close
With no explanation or words
I did something I never would
I kissed you.

You want me to jump
And I know that you'll catch me
I'm just so scared of the fall.
So I'll hesitate
For so long now
My toes are on the edge
I feel the wind
Here I go.
What gets me past the fright of falling
I know I'm landing in your arms
Just never let me go.

I remember walking home from school with you in eighth grade
being silly and naive as always
I told you I liked that necklace you wore
Not thinking much of anything
and you gave it to me
It smelled a little like grapes
which made me giggle
and a lot like you
which made me smile
I tried to return it
because it wasn't really mine
but you insisted I keep it
and thank God you did

I wore it every day
until we broke up
I thought of burning it
or simply throwing it away
But every time I tried
I couldn't bring myself to do it
So I shoved it in a blue box
hidden under my dresser
forgot it existed
forgot you existed.

I hadn't seen you in a year
when you told me you missed me
I missed you too.
I hadn't seen you in a year
when you told me you still loved me
I still love you too

I blew the dust off that blue box
picked up that simple beaded necklace
a little wooden turtle
it still smelled like grapes
and you

Three and a half years later
we talk on the phone for hours before going to sleep
I fiddle with that necklace while we talk
while I listen to your laugh
your stories
your voice
because it's all I have of you to hold
It doesn't smell like you anymore
because I wear it every single day
thats okay
because it reminds me
of everything we've been
of everything we will be
just because
this little turtle necklace
reminds me
how much I love you
and
how much
you love me.

Stadium lights flood the field
adrenaline rushes through your veins
you can smell the crisp fall air
everything is so clear
troubles are forgotten
you stand ready for anything
glance to the side
the people you've laughed with
and cried with
by your side always
seconds feel like years
you hear the announcer call
"you may take the field in competition"
that's when you leave everything on the field
you pour your heart out through every step
every beat
every second
the best feeling to be felt
when you can truly say
i'm home.