I am blind
beneath my own self hate
I cannot feel you
I cannot feel you
I do not accept your love
How can I believe you?
The stars aligned
And destiny kissed me
And whispered in my ear
'You are alone
No one can love you'
And I ate it
I digested it
And spat those words at you
Even when you look at me with love
Even when you bleed
Upon my brow
After taking the blows that I deserved
I will look at you
And ask you
If you mean it
You will die
In love with a ghost
And as a ghost
You will haunt me
But it will never be enough
It will never be enough

i was in love with you.
did that not mean enough?
i am sorry.
there was no stronger word
to tell you how much you mean
to me.
if there was
i would wear that word to pieces too.
i would write it on my arms
and on my lips
and over my eyelids.
i would live it
everyday
and in my sleep
and in my dreams.
but it still wont make you feel it.
...
why can't you just feel it.

watching the
ants

crawl

up and
down
legs of
the table next to
my chair  

crawling up
the potted plant
on said table

i think they are trying to
use a language

to tell me something
some things
or
whatever

time
t i m e

stretches outside the tick

tock

i am three hands to the wind

wasted on timespace paused
i can't finish it

be kind
please rewind ti m  e

nah
entropy is way blah
but ghost memes claw

crawl

i'll take molecules unbound
over that

what ever you believe,
believe it passionately.
become obsessed.
do not become complacent
but forever thirsty
for knowledge.
become the expert.
let others find you bizarre
and different.
live it
through your words
and through your actions
and through the way
you spend your time.
fall in continuous love with it.

love is scary.
not because it waits in the dark to grab me
or eat me
or stab me.
but because it makes me move,
in ways i couldn't before.
it makes me say things
i wouldn't before.
it makes me want to hide,
because it's beautiful
and i don't have words to tell it that it is.
love makes me cry
when nothing is hurting me
and laugh
when nothing is even funny.

gravel
shovel
dig the earth with nails and teeth

and huddle
in puddles
of pain and insecurity

we're brain dead
you hate it
our words are mud
and sticks
and stones

and you cant
feel them
clawing at your skin and bones and

you keep peering out into the souls
of everyone
of every mold that broke
before one broke with you

and in this sameness sea we drift
another face
another place
to die
as strangers
often
do.

It's A Coincidence She Made It Out Of My Thoughts.

Alive.