share your favorite things with the temporary people in your life
staple your favorite songs to the foreheads of people you've known for two weeks
dance around in artificial lightning and touch them for as long as you can
take pictures with disposable cameras, pin them to cork-boards and write down their dates
scrawl their names in sharpie ink on your wall, ignore when your mother gets mad at you for it
watch your favorite movies with them
kiss them during your favorite part
write down the taste
write down what you hear
fill notebooks with their sentences
take their hand and lead them to your favorite places
count the blades of grass under you
record the rocks
the tree leaves
the sand
the hardwood floor
read them your favorite books
tell them your theories
match them to main characters and laugh when they try to imitate their dialect
read them your poetry
whisper your favorite words in their ear
pass them notes with your favorite lyrics
give them tastes of your favorite ice cream flavor
promise yourself not to forget their disgusted face
at your favorite weird food
smear the color yellow into their palms
because it has always been your favorite
trace the lines that crack the paint
give them your favorite sweatshirt
let them make it their home
smell them on you the next time you wear it
let them enter your world and include them in your list of favorites
and
then

when they break your heart,
you will be forced to conform to the sadness you feel
you will have to turn off the radio when that song comes on and you see their smile in the melody
you will have to pay for a new camera
burn pictures and blame the smoke for your teary eyes
stock up on white-out and erase those dates
when they pass the next year you will stay inside all day and your hands will shake
you will have to paint a new color on your wall just to quit staring at their name while you try to fall asleep
you will paint three, four, five coats atop their handwriting and
at night you will still be able to see it
you will have to go to the movies and categorize new favorite scenes
when that movie plays on sunday morning you will taste them and it will taste like cold coffee and
eventually you will be strong enough to change the channel
you will tear pages out,
buy new notebooks
drive by your favorite places and don't stop
you will have to read new pages
find new characters
its okay if you catch yourself running over the spine of the book you woke them up to read at four AM
buy a dictionary and find new favorite words
make up new favorite words and drop them into casual conversation
eat new icecream,
try more weird foods at restaurants you can't pronounce
look at colors more closely and determine a new favorite
buy new clothes
ones that smell like mass production and the local mall
you will leave the world you gave to them
and you will create a new world
with new favorites
with new songs, words, memories, places, books, movies, foods
with new pieces of you
and you will let someone new enter that world
they will tear chips of paint off of your wall
and ask you what your favorite color is
its okay to hesitate
say blue.

I float on gin soaked nightmares
Yoked to the liquor like a babe to a bottle
Coaxed to sleep slowly, dosed on 70% proof
and with it the night's terror starts.

Gin addled, lying in sweat soaked sheets
Memories raise their heads above the parapet
These memories coaxed from their corners
Coerced by addiction.

My addiction I saw as a benediction
A positive to all the negative.
But my submission was not conviction,
it was hell and condemnation.

Now, my nightmares torment me,
like purgatory, no rest for the wicked,
the fallen, the flotsam and detritus of life.
Stricken I can only question....

What's it like to drift off quietly?
Not to wake with a scream trapped in your throat?
To count sheep instead of the faces of the long dead?
To slumber in peace, cloaked in love?

If you can answer these questions,
please let me know.
Pop a note in bottle and give it a throw.
If it washes up I'll let you know.

You’ve taught me that
Unconditional love is more of a curse
Than a blessing
Because every part of me screams
To never forgive you
But I’m still a girl who needs her dad
And my heart will always long for you
But I can’t help to think how
You caused us such agony
When you left a loving family
For someone you just met
& it makes my heart break
To think the love I have for you
Feels as if it’s overdue
Because if you loved me
as much as I loved you
Leaving us would never be an option
& I can’t Help but feel
As if it was a personal blow when
Said you didn't love us anymore
And you left without ever turning back
And  I saw no hesitation in your step
When you chose between us or them
But the worst of all was that
I not only lost my dad but
I lost my mother as well
Because I didn’t recognize her anymore
And I couldn’t bear to see
Her deteriorating
Always stuck in bed
Unable to get up
Or complete the simplest tasks
And I feel guilty
For hating her for it
For making me comfort her
When all I wanted to be
was held
And I won't ever forgive you  
For all you've put us through;
For filling me with hate
When I saw my mom in such a state
So bruised that she called a hotel her home
For a whole month in fear
Of being seen by her family
And once again I hated her
For leaving me behind
And for wanting to protect you
So no one will know
The person you’ve become
I’ve watched my little sister cry
And beg for her dad to come home
And it truly made me sick to know
Those begs feel on empty ears
Every time you came to visit
Yet you still had the audacity to say
You were sorry
And I watched you beg us on your knees for forgiveness
That day you swore to the moon and back
That you were finally coming home
Even that night you had me fooled as
We welcomed you back with open arms
And it was the first time in weeks
I felt as if we were complete
Only for you to turn around and leave
Before we had the chance to wake up
And tell you good morning
My sister cried so hard that day
Running through the house
Asking about your whereabouts
Little did we know it wasn’t the last time you would deceive us
Living with a secret lover and child
Unable to decide
Which of us you loved more
To betray the other for
But I knew we were longing for a dad
That we had already lost
So all those half assed sorrys
Will never be accepted
Because you only came back
When she left you
And I resent my mother for
Never being strong enough
To be the first to let go
 Because you made us go through ****
We never asked for
And begging for forgiveness in the middle of the night
Once you realized you were finally alone
Wouldn’t break me this time
But screaming and pounding on our windows
To let you in
Or you'll **** yourself
Only made it hurt more
And when my mom opened that door
To tell  you to leave
And stop causing a scene
All you could do was scream  
That you were going to commit suicide
At that moment
I didn't feel a thing
I saw you grab the gasoline
And chug it down
My mom shoving  her fingers down your throat
Screaming for help
And I just remember standing there
Not saying a word
I don't remember being sad
I can't imagine why

I have not put pen to paper in a good while.
It is probably for the better.
The blinds hide the world.
Listening to movie trailer music,
I write and hope.

What happens when you get older?
I hate it when people say they are "young".
You're 40 years young?
No.
You're an *******.
We are dying from the moment of birth.
Don't forget that.
Pessimistic and proud.

Sometimes I sleep with the T.V. on at night.
A constant reminder that my dreams can give way to
war,
famine,
Perez Hilton.
If this is how the World ends,
life was good.

You see...
This is why I don't write anymore.
Poems that give way to inner thoughts.
How deep and depressing.
I could write more...

I won't.
Maybe.

Poems that end like highway wrecks.
Leaving you wanting
nothing,
but a refund.

Slam.