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May 2015 · 567
romulus
Marzanna May 2015
the old gods here lay
in beds of clay and marble
jupiter fallen
Apr 2015 · 539
I can
Marzanna Apr 2015
I can say my ABC’s
(As long as you hum the tune)
I can pick out my own clothes
I can count to one-thous-and
I can scrape my knee
And only cry a little
Hey, look at me, riding my bike
With no extra wheels;
I can go faster than sound, faster
Than I can think, faster than
I can realize,
This isn’t a good idea

I can sit silent
I can bite my tongue until it bleeds
I can talk to much
(Or not at all)
I can go to school every day
Feeling like going too fast down a tall hill
Faster, faster than
My legs can carry my body
Sliding and
Falling
Staring at my own ****** knee--
I guess we ran out of band-aids

I can see the strings behind the system
And I can cut them, too
Veins behind bible-paper skin
I can swear to God
(Or swear at God)
I can feel the ground beneath
My feet shifting, tidal pools
From sadness to hate
My best friend says,  just us against the world
And I’m not sure if I agree, but
I can always nod along.

I can be a king
For about fifty minutes on a
Tuesday morning
I can control your whole world
(Never was any good with my own)
I can find the skeletons in your closet
And the guns there, too
Hey, look at me
Front page again, promising
New insights to my
Motivations, manifesto
I can reduce your whole life
To your death
I can
I can
I can
I swear to God I can--

I can say my ABC’s
(As long as you hum the tune)
I can pick out my own clothes
I can count to one-thous-and.
i had to write a slam poem for class.
Apr 2015 · 461
bird bones
Marzanna Apr 2015
bird bones, dig me a
grave, make me a treasure chest
where my lungs ought to be
and hide away all your
secrets, falling overhead
leaves in the fall;
you have no idea, i tell you,
what's underfoot--
hollow earth, hollow skull.
you say,
don't smile like that.
you're making me nervous.

****** mutt, throw trash through
the television, screaming
sports fanatics. never watched
this game before. unfamiliar rules.
it's all in the uniforms, bird bones.
don't let them
freak you out, peaked blue caps
oily lips confirm:
"investigation underway."
turn that noise down.

i'll build us a house underwater
if you open the door,
don't blame me when you drown.
parka with
the hood up;
can't stay away from the trees,
even in this weather,
always outdoors, always checking,
to be sure.
don't look at me like that, bird bones.
haven't you ever seen a dead body before?
credit for the last line goes to bucky barnes: read their poetry
Oct 2014 · 1.3k
&
Marzanna Oct 2014
&
stuck my head
underwater
but forgot
to drown

i was sad
you were sad
but it didn't
cancel out

laid down
closed my eyes
but forgot
to sleep

and one day
you'll be happy
but not because
of me
Marzanna May 2014
i am sexually attracted to pencils.
get this to trend
May 2014 · 648
dear alex;
Marzanna May 2014
there's a gap between your front teeth and between
your visions and plans and reality
holes in your personality, waiting to be filled up
and i wonder
what will become of you?
for my little brother;
maybe someday he'll read it.
May 2014 · 279
Untitled
Marzanna May 2014
why the **** would you
even pretend to care
after all of that?
Marzanna Apr 2014
when they pull up to the stop
i am the last to get on
i sit in the front, with a good view
of the street
(i know the route by heart)
turn left at ryan road and
pass the old run down convenience store
broken and unwanted, like,
a mole on a hand-model's finger,
or perhaps me;
did you know that they all wave at each other?
the bus drivers, i mean
when they pass on the road
nothing meaningful, just
a quick wave of the hand
i see you there
doing what i'm doing
hey, buddy, why'd we pick this job
anyway?

there's a kid behind me who always kicks my chair
and the blonde ******* my left
glares at me from above
a paper-back romance novel
i try to smile, but
i don't think she wants to be my friend
(she laughed at me last year
from across the plastic cafeteria floor
and called me a witch
if i recall correctly)
when we pull up to the school
i pull out my phone
and pretend to be texting
(i don't even have a plan;
the phone's for music)
so that they all get out before me;
once i pushed ahead of a boy
in a snapback and sweatpants
and i think that's just about the bravest thing
someone from the front of the school bus
has ever done.
Feb 2014 · 825
Happy Birthday
Marzanna Feb 2014
I wish
I wasn't
Here
At all
I wish
I'd learned
To stop
The fall
The inevitable
Sinking
Loss
Of hope
All my friends
In the bathroom
Smoking
Coke
The party's over
Please,
Go home
We're all
Much nicer
When we're not
Alone
The kids
I used to
Know
have cut
Their wrists
Their make up
Smearing
On their
Lips;
I cannot
Regret
What you
Have done
The cake's
Been eaten
But the song's
Unsung
Feb 2014 · 472
So. Gross.
Marzanna Feb 2014
Let's talk about suicide.
Nasty word-
Isn't it?
So gross
But I feel it controlling me
And pushing the blood through my veins

We hate to talk about it
When it happens,
We speak of it only
Over cups of coffee
A muttered secret to a close friend
Words spilling out of our mouths like ****

So.
Gross.

So gross, in fact
That when I was twelve years old
And took the amount of pills I thought necessary to end a life
I couldn't bring myself to tell my mother to take me to the hospital
And instead lay awake
Terrified of what was going to happen
Until I went upstairs
Shoved a toothbrush down my throat
And spewed ***** that tasted of tylenol extra-strength
Of hopes gone and lost
Of secrets never to be told
Of a little girl scared of what was going to come next.

My mom never found out
Because it was

So.
Gross.

And even now
Years later
When I'm walking down a flight of stairs
Steep enough to snap a neck
I have to pause
And say to myself
"No, Diana. Not today.
You still have things to do."
And sometimes, it's really hard
Because I don't have anything left to do
I'm tired and sick and fat and useless
And I wish I wasn't here
I have no friends no family
Nothing left to speak of
Just a numb throbbing in my head

When it's really bad, I ask myself what would happen if I had died that day
The answer scares me.

So.
Gross.

Is that gross?
Yes, it's repulsive, I agree.
But you know what?
I lived. I'm still here, even if I don't want to be
And I still wake up and get dressed
I still cover my scars with jewelry and makeup
I still hold the pills in my hand
And stand at the stairs and say

"Not today, Diana.
You still have things to do."
whooo this is personal
wrote it a while ago, so sorry it's really rough
Dec 2013 · 437
I wish
Marzanna Dec 2013
I

          have never felt happy
          or loved, or wanted.
          when I was younger, I
          used to

Wish

          upon a star
          hoping, dreaming.
          they yelled at me
          for staying up too late;

I

         could never make
         them understand
         that the stars
         were my only freinds.

Was

         I really so disposable
         and useless
         like a corpse in
         a morgue, a

Dead

         body, waiting to be
         burned?
Sep 2013 · 1.2k
My Darling, My Dear.
Marzanna Sep 2013
They called me before they put it on the news
The phone rang three times
It was two in the morning
I answered with
"Who the **** is this?"
The the answer that came back to me
Was something I would have never dreamed
Though they came to our house several times that week
And wrote on their yellow legal pads
Even when they took you to the station for questioning
I still thought
"No, not my wife."

It was the police
Calling to say that after hours of interrogation
You'd confessed.

My darling, my dear,
I ask you not as an enemy
But as a friend-
How could you?

Did bullets leaving a gun sound too much like
The blood pushing through your veins?
Did you look at them and see not humans
But colours and noises and air?
Was the allure
Of taking a mortal and carving their veins into shreds
Too much for you to control?
Was there some violence in your past that you had to avenge
On all the humans you could reach?
Please, my darling, my dear,
How could you?

On our wedding day
When your dress tore and we fought
Did that contaminate your love?
When you took a exacto-knife
And carved a bird onto the boys skin
Did you think that perhaps the bird was you?
Did you fly? Do you regret it?
Do you regret me?
My darling, my dear,
How could you?

I think perhaps you were Mary
And gifted with a child
But you saw it, weaker than you
And burnt it alive.
Was the pain of knowing
That you could
Greater than morality
Of if you should?
My darling, my dear,
How could you?

Did it get harder
Every single day
Like drops falling into a cup
Till it overflowed with words and feelings unsaid
Rage and anger unchecked
And things that you were not allowed to touch
Except with blood on your hands?

My darling, my dear
If you have an answer
Please, tell me!

How could you?
May 2013 · 1.2k
A love poem.
Marzanna May 2013
I wanted
to write you
a love poem;
but I couldn't
think of any
cliches.

I want to
say that your
eyes were
the colour
of oceans
or sea glass
or- or-
sunshine
going through
a glass of
whiskey

Something pretty
something beautiful
something to
make you
feel loved

But that
was when
I realized
your eyes
are not beautiful
for their colour
or shape;
they are magnificent
because
they
are
yours.

So here
is your love poem
and I'm sorry
it's short
but I've
run out
of words
because the inventor
of this tongue
could not
perceive
you.
Apr 2013 · 597
Envy.
Marzanna Apr 2013
I'm so
******* envious
of everyone
who can say
"Fine,"
When asked
how they're doing
and not feel
the weight of guilt
sitting on their chest
because
That "fine"
Is a lie.

I'm so
******* envious
of the kids
who can wear
short sleeves
in the summer
and not feel
the people staring
(disturbed)
at all the scars
that run
like white ladders
up and down
their arms.

I'm so
******* envious
of the girl
who can laugh
and smile
and not have to worry
that when
she stops
she'll never have
the strength
to start up
again.
Apr 2013 · 694
I'm so fucking happy
Marzanna Apr 2013
You and I
Fated to die
Alone;
But
I'm
So
*******
Happy

Cuts on my wrists
Hatred and lists
(Alone)
But
I'm
So
*******
Happy

Screaming in pain
Loving in vain
Killmekillmekillmekillme
But
I'm
So
*******
Happy
Apr 2013 · 432
Before the war.
Marzanna Apr 2013
The silent terror / That comes with pain
The cool calm / Before the rain
The desperate hunter / Looking for prey
Why was I chosen? / I cannot say
Apr 2013 · 880
Sad.
Marzanna Apr 2013
Sad at work / Sad at play
Sad at noon / Sad all day
Sad at home / Sad abroad
Sad at Church / There is not God
Sad your were created / And sad you'll stay
The world will give / And take away
There is no morality / There is no good
There's no use trying / To do as we could.

— The End —