I didn't realise how many freckles you had until today,when you were inches away from touching my face.
I wonder if the freckles on your face match with the constellations in the sky.
Whether you lie awake at night staring at the stars in the dark night.
I know one thing which is true,
That I spend most of my nights thinking about you.

And your smile
it rises like the sun
stretching far
across the beautiful planes
of your face.
It's so bright,
so beautiful.
I'd stay up all night
just to watch it
in the morning.

i get angry at your opinion
as if it were something i could change.

facts are easy to alter
(if not, ignore them).

opinions linger like kisses from unwanted lovers
(absolution skips a few).

I’d done a lot of drugs that summer, drank a lot, and lost my virginity a hundred times over.
David. He was the man who ****** me for the first time. He was in his thirties, a Buddhist, and a patient teacher.
In the dark, he was so ****, iron filings and gum.
But perhaps it wasn’t him that enticed me into ***. I think it might have been a combination of everything. The way his girl-faced Buddha shone by the light of a candle. The view from his window – city flowers and washing lines, Chopin on the stereo, the cleanness of his sheets, the girl in the next room talking loudly about Jean Paul Sartre.
I want you, I said.
Fifteen, I was. He didn’t know that, of course.

There was a terrible pressure when he ****** me, so he told me to
Relax
Relax
Relax
Imagine you’re emptying out
Imagine you’re emptying out and accepting something holy
communion if you like
you're catholic aren't you?
You look lovely
You feel lovely
You look lovely

There was a part of my mind that thought of girls being torn through, blood and pain, embarrassment in the morning. I couldn’t stay hard.
There was a part of me that gave in, with my knees up by my shoulders.
There was a part of me that wanted to flip him onto his back and **** him, part of me that was desperate to be a man, part of me that hated this submission.
In the morning there was no embarrassment, just cereal and ten different types of smile. Milk in bed. A lecture on loving kindness.

hung my head over your left shoulder
kissed every inch of your skin
as if those sins were clung to my lips
and all i want is to forget
and begin
again