All things must end
Good and bad
We don't always get happy endings
But if we're lucky,
And very, very blessed,
We might keep getting happy beginnings.

Sometimes I want to forget you
I want to forget all the pictures we took
All the adventures we went on
Braving the cold
When no one else would
I want to forget
Laughing with you
So hard it hurt
On car rides to nowhere
I want to forget
Going hiking
And getting coffee
Sometimes I want to forget
That you were ever in my life
And imagine that all we were
Was passing strangers
On a busy street
But then... And now
With tearful eyes
I remember how full of each other we were
I remember the joy we had
Bundled up on Sundays
When we refused to turn on the heater
Because we'd rather buy Take-out
Than pay the electric bill
I remember all the memories we made
With such naivety
That all that happiness would last forever
I want to freeze us in that frame
And pretend it never fell apart
I want to forget the icy cold
That is between us now
And I want to forget I ever knew you

Dear future husband,

I hope that wherever you are

You are happy

And that whoever you are with,

They make you smile

And I hope that whatever you are doing

It makes you content

Because without you, I am alone
*
And I am not happy

And no matter who I’m with
,
I hardly smile anymore

And no matter what I do,

I am not content

I feel lost without you

And I don’t even know you

My future husband,

I hope that everything God gives you

Is something that makes you love more

And whatever trials you face

You can always feel Him near

And I hope that in everything you do,

You see His face

And with every tear that drops from your beautiful eyes

You know that one day He will bring us together

Because without you, I feel the love

Leaving a little more

And with every trial I face,

I feel more and more…alone

And no matter what I do,

I don’t think I can see Him anymore

And with every tear that drips from my cold eyes
,
I am losing hope that I will ever meet you

Dear future husband,

I hope that wherever you are

You are happy-you are in bliss

Because I can feel hell creeping up on me

And I’m scared to breathe anymore.

I'm laying in bed and as I drift off to sleep
A slow
Soft tune
That speaks of dreaming
Drifts into my ears
Suddenly
It is summer
I'm curled up in a field of soft green grass
Tears on my cheeks
Shuddering breaths
Hollowly echoing
From my lungs
Everyone who hurt me
Is on a slow March
Towards me
Reaching their hands
To grab me
Touch me
Bruise me
The sky turns dark and the rain comes
Angry clouds hang above me in a far more furious sky
Fear and dread
Like bullets
Leap into my skin
I hold myself
And let my tearful existence
Mimic the water falling upon my clammy skin
A deep sorrow
Horrible anxious fear
Is all that I am
I wonder if ever I will escape
The creeping hands
That reach tendrils around me
Threatening to pull me into the muddy ground
My clothes cling to my skin like frost to a tree
In a flash of lightening
Every sound stops
The rain continues to hit my face
Like shards of ice
Every drop reminding me of my pain
The wind stills howls
But all I can hear are soft footsteps
The kind music returns to my ears and I take my arms away from my head only to see
A man
Strideing toward me
Weaving his way through the painful
Reminders of my past
As he passes each person,
He simply touches their shoulders
Gently and mightily
And they vanish
In a puff of fog
Like summer mornings
Each disappears
He finally reaches me
I see His face
Never have I seen anything so lovely
An affectionate smile
Works it's way onto His face
He says nothing,
Only reaches His hand out to me
I've never trusted
With more conviction
Slowly at first, I reach for His hand,
And the moment our fingers touch
All the violent storm
Comes to a stop
A sweet melody
Of birdsong
And tender music returns as He pulls me to my feet
He does not ask me to come to Him
Nor does He hold out His arms in expectation
No, He looks into my eyes
With a tenderness nothing short of miraculous
And wraps His arms around me
And all the wretched fear is gone
I open my eyes
I am again in my bed
And though the man is no longer seen at the fluttering open of my eyelids
I can still feel His kind loyalty
On my skin
Tears dry on my face
And I wonder...
I know
Everything is going to be alright.

The lie of
Optimism
Plastered on my face
Screaming
Screaming
"Let me go home.
" I just want to rest
Forever."

Chest
And lungs
Hurt
From common
Labored
Sighs
Like breaking the top layer of
Ice
On a bowl
Of water
"Let me go home
" I just want to sleep
Forever."

It was never about winning or losing
It was about seeing things the way they are
And learning to use them to work towards better things.

You, God, are holy
My foes are lowly
Your arms they comfort
And stay with me

My heart is heavy
My face downcast and
My emotions get
Away from me

But praise to you who made the stars
They will shine out your name
This battle is not ours
And you love me still the same
So praise your name

You, Christ, are lofty
Though my heart pains me
I trust in you, ***
You loved me first

Heartbeats-they weaken
The sun will sink and
The dark will set in
But you remain

But praise to you who made the stars
They will shine out your name
This battle is not ours
And you love me still the same
So praise your name
We praise your name

You lift me up above
And down below
To show your love
So we can know

Your garments torn up
You drank from hell's cup
To lift us all up
To show us love

But praise to you who made the stars
They will shine out your name
This battle is not ours
And you love me still the same
So praise your name

I just do not get
How you can insult others
And when I tell you
How much it absolutely
Hurts all of our hearts
I am the one in the wrong.