I don't know how much longer I can hang on hope.
I don't know how much strength I have left
I'm weak and tired and want to let go
So that I may fall to my death
So fast it would happen, just a slip of my grip
Slickened by blood stained palms
Spiraling towards me, the ground just a blur
And I would be nothing but calm

But right now I'm dangling freely
Fear pumping fast through aching veins
The harder I grip, the more that I slip
The sliced skin increasing the pain

I want to scream
Let this be a dream
So that I can wake up in due time.
Because if I slip
Loose my hardened grip
The surely I'll lose all that is mine.

"You're perfect." You say And I flinch.
You can't see it but my skin begins to itch and I twitch
"Thank you." The words leave my mouth with my hope that you will translate them into"stop."

"You really are." And each word hits me like pin ****** violently tickling across my sensitive skin.
I hate those words, when they're spoken to me I want to hide or scream,"I'M NOT, I HAVE FLAWS."
You see I'm amazing.
I'm beautiful and crazy, manic and lazy, a puzzle and an open book
My scars and bruises are the marks life has made to chart the path that I took.

Then you say I'm "perfect."
Taking everything I am out of the equation and making me a single word.
And you say it after I point out one of my wonderful imperfections
As if trying to ignore these fine lines etched like lightning on my pages
"I'm really not." And it's not a bashful admission of self enmity masked as modesty
It's a fact, sharp and black like the edges of my eyes as I stare you down.

As I gaze out on the endless blue saltwater sky's
Crystalline saltwater drips from my eyes
~~~~~
O western sea hear my plea
Swallow me and set me free
Bring me home I will be brave
Pulled under by your loving wave

I wake up late in the day
And no sooner does the groginess leave me
That the cruelest of feelings rolls in like a wave
Pulling me under, leaving me with nothing but the bitter taste of tears on my tongue.

I reach out to those closest
Grasping at their encouraging words
But they slip through my fingers dissolving like sea foam
Self doubt tangles my legs like barbed kelp, cutting my skin and holding me under.

And then the sharks come
The sharks that swim in the dark
They've come from the deepest trenches of my mind
Drawn by the scent of blood into the temperate waters where I swim, my loathing sinks in its teeth.

How can I explain
The surface is a barrier I've created
People can see the blood, but they can't hear me screaming
As my insides are torn to shreds by predators circling me in a frenzy, invisible to them but so real to me.

Now I swim until the shore is gone

You make me believe in fairies and dandelion wishes
And when you speak the sky looks like sea glass
Your laugh tickles like butterfly kisses
You sooth my soul like a warm summer rain
And you lift me up like a sweet spring breeze
You fill my heart with stardust and wildflowers