I’ve made my mint from you by force feeding you fears,
you made it up to yourself by wasting my years.

The “what if’s,” “where at’s,” and questionable deeds,
self righteous as I am your good intentions are just unwatered, planted seeds.

You spun detailed, vivid plans to any and all who would listen,
but if we both worked so ******* ‘us’ why is it just my brow that glistens?

The history is our guide, our hope and a lesson used for learning,
you didn’t study, repeat offender as you set fire to your past, now burning.

Only ashes remain for me to sift through and ***** out,
you let your flame burn, ever so small - impossible to remove doubt.

Blackened, burned and now a soul too dark to leave,
the truth fought through and your intentions I couldn’t sieve.

We are now just the walking dead, “I care about you,” another lie that’s been fed.

Hold me while you hate everything that I love for,
trick my trust and lie for my lust, I can’t survive anymore.

I painted our picture with red lashes from this heart within,
I should have noticed when you cut all ties, it’s too late to try again.

Brittle hair and cracked skin,

begging for the cry of clouds like a dozen wilted signs of love discarded on a front porch in a pile of disgrace left to die in the sun.

Hard features purposely pushed together with the thought that opposition means perfection,

like misguided missiles with coordinates of ultimate destruction.

Words of warmth, comforting, until they get too close and burn a home in a heart,

the slime of a savior covers your features,

crawling invisible over your essence like a thousand hungry creatures.

A crooked smile blocks the odor of death and decay, which you only tend to notice with every word that I say.

Crossed eyes and a “too long finger” which I used to blot out my heart,

a special part of my brain threw it in from the start.

Embrace each difference, a small arms width away from the great divide,

unavailable, a slipping secret, unreachable like yours arm touching my side.

Pale design, an ego inflated to the size of a thimble,

cold shoulder, each step a stumble as I cross the line, ever so simple.

Encourage each episode, every ending eats everyone’s eulogy.

A static design, pleased as punch at what is yet less than divine,

Finish each chapter stronger, I am yours, and now you are mine.

“Dare to dream,” they scream,
unyielding benefits wasted on the sleeve of a man born blind.

Expecting me to “watch my step” and “watch my words,”
if I look back on history and shout at you, your back turned, do my words go unheard?

Pieces of us washed away by the ever-changing tide,
**** it up, pull me under engrossed in a fight that I refuse to find.

The end. Peace exists at the end of a swollen sword,
rupture and rapture, forget faith and materialize a new lord.

Chaos caters to the unprepared, logic and reason left for the scared.

There’s a place in my heart, but no....not for you,
it’s empty, filled with grief, a void of emotion that’s surely due.

A year. Not quite 400 days but more than enough time to reflect,
a decision lay in your hands, no second guessing, no regret.

One squeeze from me, stone like, love poured out, a hugger,
one squeeze from you, dreams released, the spray of a trigger.

Stripes and claws, angry morning as you pet another maw,

I type and mention empty things, you plan your escape from life’s fraud,
A symbol carved into the heart of a tree, I don’t agree with how you chose to be free,
but life clapped its hands, with an authoritarian applaud.

The hate is there, buried, vaguely on the surface,
deterring, detached, detesting and serving its purpose.

An invisible web of lies is what’s broken and blind,
within us, without them, a situation, foreign and undefined.

Pleasure rising as intolerance and indecision placates,
I look to my greed, my selfishness and wants as I advocate.

A knot of trust, tried and true, with a twisted unrealistic worldview,
Let’s continue, retry, forgive and see nothing new in round two.

Clutch to hope and wonder what about life makes it so unfair,
Getting answers to questions that no longer matter, I swear.

Undone and forgotten, you’re everything that I wished removed,
I’ll stay with you to make myself unhappy, even if my heart doesn’t approve.

I place the blame for troubled times on situations out of our control,
It was those eyes, that smile and false promises that put good decisions on hold.

Our love was relevant, once, before nature took its course,
We were unstoppable until we became unlovable,  such an unnatural force.

Teach me grace, give me mercy, use your words to fan the flame,
Take my pride, lend me leniency, it’s our disregard that’s to blame.

I’m the rock, sturdy strong, crashing waves the least of what’s breaking,
A steady stream of forgettable memories is all that we’re making.

Warm milk and cold stares are all that are left lingering there,
truth laced with lies begging to belong somewhere.

Copper taste with an unforgiving, unmovable face.

The “I love you’s” could be measured in between the passing of each new blue moon.

One last hug, where the stubble on your chin leaves more than just a physical itch -

I close my eyes and all my avenues that remind me to bleed for you.

Steady rhythm to keep from pacing, passing the time by counting the spacing when I stopped caring for you.

We are spear versus shield, holding our breath and bracing for impact,
you are white wine, unrefined, used to soak every color of crayon in a knapsack.

A fire slowly dying, candle burning, branding nameless names,
love is self regulating, as the passing of each flame reaches purgatory.

Hold my hand close to your heart as I listen to you tear me apart,

It’s hard to chalk it all up to hate,
harder still to sit back and blame “fate.”

Take a moment, reconsider, exact revenge on us by pulling the trigger,
“Be kind. Be humble. Be the parent even when little try to be bigger.”

I’ll avoid any claim of you, sitting atop an empty throne,
I’d rather surround myself with people who care than have you pretend to care when I’m all alone.

Depression lies.

Sitting there like a crouched creature, trapping the beast inside,

depression lies.

“You’re unremarkable, not desired, an adjunct failure,” it cries.

Depression lies.

Moving slowly, bellowing, sluggish through a swamp of self-defeat.

Depression lies.

It lies, like an unlit hearthstone at the bottom of the deepest, darkest dungeon.

Cold, unloving and chalking each success up as an “accident”,

depression lies.

It bares its soul at the foot of each wrong decision, eating energy away until you’ve withered into nothing,

Depression lies.

It showers us with doubt, like we shower the shower in tears of self-defeat, letting water separate our scars from what we are.

Depression lies.

It has a hold on the mold that pieces pictures of my life together,

bringing comfort in the form of the end, deciding for you that you don’t need a “friend.”

Depression lies,

and I hate it for that.

Time is ruthless, uncaring and set to its course,
grit your teeth, relax, hold on let’s not use force.

Just like that - the blink of an eye, the shift of our feet,
unwavering and settled in, now is not the time for peace.

Grow through the pain and remember the rage,
you flip to the end of the story, no more ink for this page.

Stand still, remain calm, now is far too late,
mixed signals, invisible interest, all I have is time to wait.

You my mirage, a lie that I need to believe,
I’m alive and maybe that’s the reason you grieve.

We mimic moments that are repeatable but break with a squeeze,
I am your mountain broken to pieces but your whisper, its breeze.

Chase me, reel me in until you plant your discretion in my bones,
I buckle down, dig in, you’re all I wanted except for the unknowns.

There’s a soft spot hidden in the depths of this soul,
living lies and question truth as our discretion takes its toll.

We’re lit now, the wick, dynamite set to explode,
we missed the target, we’ll try again, empty clip, let’s just reload?

Take your time, there’s only forever that’s left now,
we crossed our hearts and begged time to see what it will allow.

A thirst for sacrifice, freedom poised in the form of enslavement,
onward, forward, no looking back as feet trek miles of pavement.

Grip a gun, words steady a flow of rubber munitions,
take a stand, open wide, as each side prepares their grievance to defend their positions.

Swatted down, taken back, lucid dreaming not as free flowing as it’s seeming,
smile stale, vacant eyes are the way out that begs for a beating.

Picture this: picket fence, fresh coat of paint covering the wounds of war,
each brush stroke, vibrant, brighter and hiding what the truth is for.

A minor nudge, a major steer, placed in the wrong direction,
subtle lies are building walls and piercing shields meant for protection.

Crumble then and crumble now, this life is unexpected,
hold my hand, tear out my heart, please show me how we’re connected.

I spend my nights alone, sipping coffee playing sad songs on repeat,
I refuse to face myself, the perfect mirror, as that just admits defeat.

You’re a hero now to some who wish that the forever end would come,
close your eyes, if only forever, a small respite that helps me succumb.

Realize sooner, rather than later, that maybe you’re not the one,
place a hold on this life, as realization sets in that I will not be outdone.

We exist like this: in the form of an angry dream,
a flag that’s planted,  a form of feeding the hill.
pursuing pleasures, mistakes retraced are what keeps our hearts beating still,
pull me back, realign the lie, dictate the difference so that I can be more than I seem.

Life is there, swirled in between dead eyes and a furrowed brow,
confusion musters courage, leading to discreet secrets before now.

Pressures mounting, shadows bleeding, and hiding the end in sight,
grip is loosening, rapid breathing it’s the end we warranted without a fight.

Close those eyes, but open your mind, sin again, and put the good behind,
drifting desire, I’m a million pieces stuck together, screaming “one-of-a-kind.”

I’m a stain that’s spreading, a smile cloaked in grace,
a laugh that’s needy, when misfortune takes my place.

We exist like this: in the form of vicious wind the telling sign,
You, my stable, unending, desperate attempt to define.

In a way, you’re a world; creating liquid chaos through the vestige of paper cups,
in a moment, you’re hated, targeted, and placed on every list of individual distrust.

I’ve split the difference, in the end, what difference does it make?
A matter of perpetual indecision, you are my deepest dream while I’m wide awake.

Emboldened by heartfelt moments that were stolen,
we’re a pleasant breeze, a miracle in the making, turning a silver lining into something golden.

Blame is a funny thing it seems,
when the reality of your nightmares takes the place of plesant dreams.

You pray, and will yourself towards outcomes lined in silver,
cut deep, fire again, as you pull another arrow from your quiver.

A light at night that feeds as darkness flees,
desire consumed by placing doubt at the feet of make-believe.

You there, holding a smile hostage behind years of troubled abuse,
make peace, a tempting trait, finding a way to  hinder happiness’ truce.

One foot in front of the other, stubbed toes that follow a cemented path,
tears well up, washing smudges from the windows of your soul, you’ll laugh.

An advocate for all things ‘animal’, the scapegoat least of all.
Tying the knot, shoestring situation - wait for me, your beck and call.

deleting inconsistencies, stick around for a little while and you’ll see,
Self-love, outward hate, a slipstream race towards all I’ll ever be.

There’s a tactical, cumbersome advantage to living life so free,
the ability to live and love who we want, until that person decides to disagree.

Place an ear to my chest, and hear the rhythm of lies with each heartbeat,
In this day and age of open hate, no regard to civility, no reason to be discreet.

Advice to die by, said like this: love one another, and like yourself,
we only have so long on this earth before we’re taken off the shelf.

There’s still a space in my head where you will linger,
It just makes sense, I’m right there for you to point the finger.

Tell me I’m good again, lie to my insides,
there’s little left to learn here, it seems that fate decides.

I tilt towards forever, as your words crash against this rocky shore,
an imperfection, a nervous laugh, what more is there about me to adore?

You push on - pulled over, life stalled out, we can no longer drive,
I beg your attention, suspension, let me touch your skin so I know that I’m alive.

Spilling everything to crumpled sheets, and lightly starched pillow cases,
subliminally standing still, watching tears fall down undeserving faces.

I’m the worst at being the best, I know there’s a line drawn in the sand,
the miracle of comfort reveals itself right next to you where I used to stand.

You forgave me, you did, there was no question or ill-intent,
this feeble mind wondered at how my memories would be spent.

“He laughed, he loved and seemed to care a great deal,”
“He was a thoughtless hollow shell of a man who couldn’t feel.”

There’s a cure buried on the surface of your skin,
Forever is already lost, the line between good and “let go” is so thin.

Legacy lost to this episode, an ebb and flow,
cut it off, so there’s no chance to regrow our treasure trove.

I’ve made a habit of lying to myself,
Mirror staring back, a thousand shards of glass,

each piece reflecting the choices of my past,
reach for the broken, the mused and busted bottle from the top shelf.

I cut myself deep, compassion missing, no slack,
a neediness, a quick fix remedy in ways where we lack.

A permanent sleep comes but none too soon,
you’re a perfect mistake, like a blinding sunlight in the early afternoon.

Use your hand to trace a place along my face, a perfect resting space.

A silent protector, shield in hand, standing guard,
empty out our love, embrace depleted energy, it can’t be that hard.

There’s a need to feel wanted, and wishful stories to share,
don’t loosen your grip on this heart, the hands are there to care.

A handful of flowers, carefully placed in ***** water,
each day dying as they wonder what is the matter.

I long for views, pictured, perfect and painted,
what we have: love, longing and laughter,

encase our desire in each other we’re all that matters,
Short are the days missing the wicked, the sharp and tattered.

Goodnight, for now, as darkness removes the tainted.

A limited remedy, closed, underneath an iron grip,

a stolen moment, reaching out, distracted by the swaying of your hips.

Embrace me, swallow down each simple regret,

peeling back layer and layer, a reminder to forgive, but never ******* forget.

Hold still, a steady shaking, a tremble barely there on your lips,

this ship has sailed, steady blowing, wind buried to our backs,

you make up the terrible portions of me that I’ve always lacked.

Trip - slip, and dip into forever, a stream that lends itself to pleasure,

acquire happiness, somehow, each day alive somehow a valid measure.

“Living the dream,” you scream, as you die every sleep,

“Tomorrow will be different,” you plead, convincing yourself that you care.

Arise each afternoon, the day you’ve slept away,

cuts and curses of life fall into your lap, as if there’s any other way.

A yawn comes at the most precarious time, the moment you needed to hear the most,

blocking out each “make-believe” try, lost like sand to the coast.

I’ve lost the will to change, each do-over and try again, just ends the same,

you snap your head at the slightest sound, like anyone truly knows your name.

It’s not realistic, living according to these old beliefs,
Eyes snap open, the nightmare now begins, no relief.

I’ve been there before - on the receiving end of being adored,
A smile grips your lips as I lay dying beneath your sword.

You’re like the idea of a miracle that births and then bleeds,
this time’s the last, only our third second chance it seems.

You don’t want what we aren’t to end, you remind me how we’ve grown,
but if that’s the truth, then explain picking out the names for our tombstones.

Raised from the start to get chopped down at the heart,
suffocation is leading, content is receding to do its part.

There’s a ghost here, buried, tangled and hidden amongst our things,
we rifle through, shuffling memories, forgetting how unprepared we are for what they bring.

We had a life once, even if the idea was forged and falsified,
we held each other, dodging raindrops and insults in stride.

We were too much for one another, gale wind force meeting mud and stone,
I woke beside myself, breathing and ashamed to be alone.

Our story printed in pictures, facts and figures,
One decision late and those after effects still linger.

Hiding in plain sight but blended with the dark,
me, the light of your life snuffed out, leaving my mark.

I’ve done all that I can to **** you out of my mind,
But there you crept, around that corner one shallow grave away from reminding me that you’re alive.

Tonight for dinner, sleep was the chosen course, forever desperate as I tried to escape,
It’s a sublime feeling when I find out that it’s not you, but myself that I hate.

A cookie cut out problem has me set on edge and plagued by doubt,
The most complex of solutions, give me time, we’ll figure it out.

What is that, there, cradled in your arms?
The verbal whip, knuckles white as you’re satisfied by causing harm.

Shut down and shut out so I sang myself to sleep tonight,
It’s ok, I agree - the tears bring out my color, so bright.

There’s a narrow line, be ever gentle lest it breaks my fall,
Gather courage and make a pact with fear so I don’t feel so small.

I understand, I think, just exactly who you are,
I give in to my guilt and my shame, and it’s straight back to to the corner, that I crawl.

I listen intently as your footsteps approach me lightly,
I feign sleep as we pretend that we love one another nightly.

Pick apart a smile and fold it into forever,
sneaking suspicion, that sly smile behind your lips, so clever.
Invisible lines exist just to be double crossed,
truth hiding there behind an amnesia soaked rag.
******* form a half dressed dancer,
broken trust eating away each decision like a cancer.
Memories struggle, yet finally fade, while each precious scar remains,
whispered wisdom remedied by familiarity,
each color of Fall, a brutal escape from reality,
each stumble, a deep breath as I sink further, emotionless undersea.
Taking suffocating strides, punish the weak, bless the wicked,
push through the waves, drowning in courage liquid.
Treat each as your own, shock as you reap what you sown.
Plant doubt, reverse pain in the form of thought,
don’t trust what you feel, follow through with what you’re taught.
Tease and trust, fall face first into love,
preaching poison you are a prisoner to your mind,
located deep in your heart, a cure that you’ll never find.

Life leaves its mark with fiery ways and unexpected turns,
I picture death so calming, silence, the ending yearns.

Love casts its miracle as lust rots and turns to rust,
there’s a disappearance in the shadows that’s increasingly difficult to trust.

I trade values for experience, hands tied, the gift of life to Death’s vendor,
incredible beauty, in darkness as I marvel at the splendor.

sinister mister locked away in this rattled cage,
there’s a list of mistakes and retributions that insists in this rage.

There’s a time for memories and pain is temporary, they say -
I cry out. Beg. Loathe everything that goes unanswered as I pray.

There isn’t much left of gratitude, silence and ignorance is an attitude,
disaster in my descent, by choice alone in my solitude.

Pulsing, pushing, panting as you prove me wrong,
regrets forever raging I never pictured this, my final song.

Paper thin conscious, padded room that’s full of options,
a life lacking flavor, you my savior as adaptation.

Gather friends, and twist our tales about the end,
a gallery of guilt painting pictures of intentions not meant to offend.

There’s passion there when we pile on pretend,
shatters like glass stone shores when we can no longer comprehend.

The same hand, sturdy, carving initials in bark,
now holds the knife, in my back, my heart, the mark.

It began again like it always does,
eyes locked, and heart skips a beat “just because”.

I soldier on embracing our precious past, our ghosts -
I cling to life, beg for warmth and your comfort the most.

I am the fire, burning, raging, dying,
your promises the foundation, the tinder, lying.

Hammer pounding, reinforced fears as I’m open to you,
Destroy to rebuild, you, my reason to fear something new.

I closed my eyes, held my breath and told the world to stay,
axis tilting, you, my world, slowly wilting away.

Wrinkled hand is drinking from a medicine cup,
ancient demons, the season, as your lies erupt.

Our business becomes a garden, barren, no rain,
compliments get caught in my throat, no longer your name.

Death lets himself in through the cover of darkness as I sleep,
I should have known it was you holding the knife, hilt deep.

I’m pushing and praying for any signs of a pulse,
fidgeting thoughts, a conclusion proven false.

Hope  has its heroes, like buoyancy in the event of a flood,
eventuality digs in, like being at the bottom of sinking sands and mud.

Shock and awe at the distress and unrealistic expectations that flow from your jaw,
balanced beliefs, with envy of the sky, theories set aflame like straw.

I’m begging now, here in the deep; sleepless in the dark,
I want what I already have, a blazing fire when i’m missing the spark.

Revived memories, dying, pushed off, on repeat, revived memories,
Reach me - revile me based on easy decisions and heathens stuck with treachery.

A supplemental divide, living there between heart and mind,  
If we threw our cares to the wind, and closed our eyes, I wonder what we’d find?

Imagine this: disaster in the form of false friendship, that - a sinking ship,
anxious awareness clutching barrels reserved for killing, loosen the grip.

If there’s a light on in the attic, then let me hear you scream through the static.

It’s finally here, the answer always living and unclear,
“I promise there’s nothing to fear my dear,” as we grow stagnant for another year.

Balled fists leveled by my sides, like autumn leaves hiding discolored lies,
in the face of folly, dismembered grief, relocates to my own surprise.

Hurt in every way. Kiss me and tell me to stay away.

I’m pushing and praying for any signs of a pulse,
fidgeting thoughts, a conclusion proven false.

Hope  has its heroes, like buoyancy in the event of a flood,
eventuality digs in, like being at the bottom of sinking sands and mud.

Shock and awe at the distress and unrealistic expectations that flow from your jaw,
balanced beliefs, with envy of the sky, theories set aflame like straw.

I’m begging now, here in the deep; sleepless in the dark,
I want what I already have, a blazing fire when i’m missing the spark.

Revived memories, dying, pushed off, on repeat, revived memories,
Reach me - revile me based on easy decisions and heathens stuck with treachery.

A supplemental divide, living there between heart and mind,  
If we threw our cares to the wind, and closed our eyes, I wonder what we’d find?

Imagine this: disaster in the form of false friendship, that - a sinking ship,
anxious awareness clutching barrels reserved for killing, loosen the grip.

If there’s a light on in the attic, then let me hear you scream through the static.

It’s finally here, the answer always living and unclear,
“I promise there’s nothing to fear my dear,” as we grow stagnant for another year.

Balled fists leveled by my sides, like autumn leaves hiding discolored lies,
in the face of folly, dismembered grief, relocates to my own surprise.
Hurt in every way. Kiss me and tell me to stay away.

You pick and choose my words like dead and dying flowers,
piecing people and ideas together like misguided followers.

It’s still true that the winner of wars write the pages,
I guess that could explain why I wrote you off, a tale for the ages.

You convince me that maybe, just maybe, I’m not worth my salt,
and I begin to believe the whispers that this life is my own fault.

Emotions bleed out, it’s almost too hard to believe,
the touch of a hand, a semi-kind smile instructs me to proceed.

A blink in time or a blanket of warmth that warns like a cough in the wind,
we buckle in, hammer down, and try to predict what belongs within.

We paint such thin, whiskey flavored lies with a broad brush,
if I shrug off advice, and don’t respect myself, then who can I trust?

You’re there, quiet, a sturdy tornado siren,
silent until it’s too late, a storm of accusations and crying.

Just listen to yourself, you know the truth - the grass will always be greener,
abandon all ships, abandon all hope, there’s still a chance to make me a believer.

There used to exist between us an ever burning fire that rages,
it’s now dead and gone like the trees between these pages.

You used to tell me to “love life, and laugh at fear,”
but I never expected that it would be you, that I’d hate, my dear.

The night does so little to appease my discomfort,
tremendous darkness; “here, hold onto these nightmares as a last resort.”

Whimpers only server to wake memories and practical mistakes,
kind eyes and a crowded heart, a good person this does not make.

You, the dry grass - my intentions the burning and the falling ember,
there’s magic somewhere there between us, the key is just trying to remember.

Innocent eyes lead me to believe in vintage dreams that die,
I picked the perfect poison, it’s no longer a matter of choosing sides.

I salvaged suicide; burdened and buried beneath another’s lies.
One soul crushed, it was never enough, between the waves and tides.

I’ll try my best to pick up pieces of myself that I left for dead,
I tried everything that I could to paint a picture with words instead.

I’ve encased repressed disasters, situated, ‘in case”,
a well placed stab in the dark, is still blindly swinging in place.

Retreat, I say, retreat. It’s a desire I wish I didn’t have to repeat,
curious decision, insipid revision, in boredom this cancer did secrete.

There’s a ballroom breaking, barking and demanding order from footsteps falling,
hide my hand in the comfort of your palm, it’s pressing, love lingering and mauling.

I’ve cradled our future, torn between the broken and drowning,
you are the special, the heathen, the dead Queen that we’re never crowning.

A shallow grave filled with wasted compliments,

drowning slowly in wave after wave of “pick me ups”.

Toss a coin and send me on my way,

begging time for another re-do, a way to un-ring the bell,

watch my hope sink to the bottom of a moldy wishing well.

Depression looms like the moon on a cloudy night,

visible, yet subdued, reminding us of our plight.

Knocking once, a temptress to make sure that you’re alone,

there’s force behind the kick applied to the door of the home.

Now it’s here. It’s in. A permanent resting place,

foolish enough to believe each smile plastered to our face.

Bury the hatchet, try to lock the door as it convinces you to unlatch it.

You’re me now. An identity set in stone that makes us no longer who we used to be.

There’s a place for you to pace, but it exists over there,

smile fading, face changing, “I like living in the head underneath your hair.”

The bonus of insomnia is that the nightmares stay at bay,

close your eyes, empty into forever, living in unhappy can’t be the only way.

I pick apart rust from the thoughts formed in this vat of mine,

A decision eats away agony, keeping my  positivity in line.

I’ve attempted to write down the things that matter most,
A message that’s meaningful, or words that will help me think,
But the light burned out, this pen ran dry of ink.
A cause, an effect, a practice makes perfect subject.
Tracing shaky steps as I fall to the floor,
A willingness to live, trapped right outside the door.

Pounding once, twice, three times on wood,
Clutch praying pearls, as a good faith measure should.
The answer comes, pouring like rain,
My issue is that I only hear them as they slip down the drain.
Punctured picture, removing my smile from old frames,
I’m in my own position, myself, my upbringing, my own thoughts to blame.

I reach for hope, not realizing that my sanity came unglued,
I settled on the incorrect decision that I’m “just fine,” and that I’ll “make do.”
Hate exists on the balance beam of what most consider love,
I consider the presence of darkness a calm, needed drug.
Dice clutched to my chest, afraid to tempt fate,
I let one stumble, and slip, to help my surrender placate.

Easy answers hidden behind the eyes of dead lies,
My decisions are mine, never cross the line, to my surprise.
Pills and promises fed to help make one believe,
Bills and an unhealthy conscious are all that my mind breeds.

Our lives are what matters, situated against scattered stories and pending plots.
I’d take fear of the unknown every day of every hour when defenses drop.

We spoke briefly of quiet things, a midnight kiss that could never exist in the sun or a pacing parade that trampled through the tunnels of our town.

Things are different now, and it’s most likely our fault - just not by choice.
There’s a part of me that chastises myself when I hear your voice.

I’m a method of apology, you - you’re my saving grace.
I choke on the words that aren’t said, not knowing, if said, they’ll find their intended place.

I’ve tried to trade my transgressions for time alone,
and all that I’ve found out is that my fears exists, right there, below.

I gave all of me to yours, in the end, it’s hard to wonder what else is more?

Help me handle hope better.

Even then in my final hour, my mind wandered there, to her.

A static memory, barely formed that did its best to bend and break.
Stacked against me, whispers and weeping, it was my own life I feared I’d take.

A silent cancer soothes my soul, it mumbles “the end is near,”
Yet love comprehends and overflows - making it hard to hear.

Just one more day, another mile, make the new become old,
everything that matters has vanished, it’s this new life that’s gone unsold.

One door closes, and another opens - a chance at something more?
I check the handle, reside to my fate, what is this lock for?

Like a grocery store receipt left out in the sun, your smile fades,
there’s a form of comfort here, flowers placed on an unmarked grave.

We’re comfortable here, two strangers acknowledged with the nod of a head,
I agree, it’s probably for the best if we carry on, things better left unsaid.

A smile, a force - carving hope from this cloud of sadness,
there’s a miracle in the making that meddles in the madness.

You’re the good, the wrong and the heaven sent,
we’re the pieced together apology, lingering like a subtle scent.

Pinpointing tragedy from the point where words leak,
wealth to measure, blood shot eyes and happiness we seek.

We’re uncomfortable now, two life stories merging, our hands clasped so tight,
there’s comfort in the not knowing and not seeing through the veil of night.

A bombshell, a tremor it’s our indecision that makes quakes,
tactical division, invisible revision, there’s no longer a connection that we can fake.

Crumpled can, recycled and worth a tenth of your time,
gather enough energy, digging deeper into this sorrow to make you mine.

I’m crashed in the corner, under a canopy made of blankets,
I feel safe again, a reminder of my childhood filled with chicken nugget banquets.

I’m uncomfortable being comfortable, I tell you again and again through labored breath,
we could be stuck settling, secretly hating one another, a fate far worse than death.

There is a concave concept that involves situations that require diffusing,
A stutter step towards intimacy, you have me wired in ways that don’t add up.

A head tilt, an act of depression that leaves little to the imagination,
There’s glitter infused between the folds in a place where space and time lean on enemies,
a virtual reality that virtue alone cannot sustain.

Maintain - Contain self hate, recollection and hate speech are all that remain.

One ******, sharpened left over fear is all that stands between us - a simple cut above the rest.

The sun, substantiates the moon, polar, fiery opposites - but each needed for the other,
a whisper travels, barely breathing until it reaches mundane lips .

Care for me, like I’m your most prized possession, your words prune and polish.

stitches tear reminders of open wounds and healing comes with closed doors,
a plaintive figure, obtuse-like in listing reasons why his war has failed.

Push me. Challenge me. Betray my trust like you did before.
Remind me always of what’s behind me, like I need you anymore.

There’s a hamper full of memories that linger on the clothes and on the floor,
A secret handshake is how it began. It was a secret I’d take to the grave.

No structure. No nonsense. As you beat the rhythm of us into my head.

I need space. Time. Closure. Release.
I gave you comfort. care. redemption. peace.

I promise I’ll try harder next time to not try so hard.
but if you’re to be trusted, I never keep my promises.

Bury thoughts of me, like unwinding lovers and other sober secrets,
Unearth what can’t be unseen, stumbling over the place where broken wills are kept.

Clouded judgement sits and waits for that normal need,
stingy hands, retracting, only willing to give to those that bleed.

Inside of me, pulling and begging, pleading and feeding,
if Purgatory isn’t real then what is this indecision I’m feeling?

Alive on the outside, with a smile that can scar stone,
Inside, at night, darkness whispers to me that I’m alone.

I think about, and willingly try to avoid, the things that I hate,
Eyes open, teeth clenched, I harbor disgrace resigned to my fate.

With a passive, unyielding subtlety your eyes explain what I’m lacking,
you once told me that “the way to your heart” was to keep you laughing,

Yes, you see, I did that and more, so how it failed is still a mystery,
somewhere along the lines I fumbled and forgot that you were the key.

I was supposed to smile more, do more, LOVE more all this to avoid your scorn,
I pictured something different, maybe even a purpose for which I was born.

Sleep knows me best, rotting away at my core, curled in its nest,
suffocating as I wade through compliments, choking them down as a test.

There’s a madness and a reason that our fates are intertwined,
I just wonder if we open up each other, what we’d find?

There’s a sickness stirring inside of me, it began from a lack of uncertainty.

Hidden hands, refusing to ever even take a stand,
there’s a thought process that lingers in demand.

I’m worthless to you, like holding dollar bills out to the “We’re Closed” store sign,
it’s cliche, I know, but it’s not your fault... but mine.

I’m a burning star, far fading and even further from glory,
Let’s begin, start over and rewind this same old story.

There’s an aliment setting in, the kind that comes from a borrowed curse,
Yet somehow this feeling that’s eating my insides and taking over feels worse.

Our backs rested against the solid ground, spilling secrets, so profound,
my ears begging to hear your sound, I’m enthralled by even your footsteps as they abound.

There’s faith, there, at the bottom of this jump,
but there’s fear here at the top that I’m afraid will triumph.

A passion for pain because I just do this to myself,
because you’d be true to me, and I to you and no one else.

Pull the trigger, take the shot ****** your knife into the dark,
we drowned in gasoline, failed to light unable to forget that spark.

Hold this hand, scissors clenching,
pour the poison it’s my thirst that needs quenching.

A steady rhythm of words, unhelpful and reminding,
I purposely take my place away from you, a need for unwinding.

If prayers are screamed, do they reach invisible gods faster?
like your puppet, strings attached, hand and foot and you’re my master.

Passive trance, a spell’s been cast, two more steps and it’s over,
pursuing victor, nameless captor, retreating defender and life destroyer.

I paused defeat on the battlefield, bloodied and draining of life’s vestiges,
I missed the clue, the cue, non-verbal in its delivery, your messages.

I used these hands to try and pry the lie from your insides,
but someway, good conscious effort died, as it decides.

Rummage through our afterlife, baskets and letters set ablaze,
you go on living, loving, laughing and pretend that I should be un-phased.

A life standing tall, upright, and a history of “practice what you preach,”
in death, lying down, parallel just hoping that I’ll find what you seek.  

You fill my heart with what if’s and secrets to puzzles that never came true,
there’s an advantage, something better, and you’re right there, never missing your cue.

Help me hold on to us as yesterday is used as evidence of broken trust,
forget the good and harvest the bad, as you spread my ashes into the dust.

I’m the bland, the misguided misfit who is always “with the band,”
Feigning prestige, I’m nothing more than a coffee-carrying consumer,
I’m eager, yes, visibly excited even, to hide uncomfortable truths behind a stain of smiles.

Walk with me. A mile in my shoes; follow the trail of tread wearing down like my patience for the songs of the dead..
Listen closely, purge evil intentions from distant futures.

Culture has clouded my judgement, raised and reared like a starving artist, fighting against nature and nurture for my next meal.

Peel. Layers laughed as you ripped again and again into each one, never reaching the source or your full potential.

Essential. Liquid love, your words entomb practical promises deep inside of me where the truth hurts the most.

“I don’t think I can ever love someone again,” I whispered to myself; remembering to practice what I preach. “Not since the last person let me down.”

It was me. I tried to love myself, but it was like grasping at straws that fates fire had decided to light aflame.
Blame. It is me; gifted in ways that matter to none. “Remember, there’s someone,” But.. what if I were honest and told you there were none?

Bliss sometimes comes in the form of a kiss that we missed. Lips locked in a battle that should have never began.

I hate you for this. I love you for that. Let’s just skip to the end, and end this. Reach for the stars so that when you fail, you’re high enough to fall to your death.

Tell me, once again, how “I’m everything you never wanted” with your final breath

You are a whirlwind, fierce and stunning, forever lasting,
you are a beast, at best, you left me gasping, open wound thrashing.

Cupped hands drop into this dripping well,
raised stakes trip into my soul, but I’ll never tell.

Piece by boring piece I release the deeds that are gone undone,
I’ll lift every rock, every tree and mountain that’s under the sun.

I’m a miracle that just missed my goodbye kiss,
you’re a bullet point shy of making the list.

A villain is victorious and it leaves our hero's doubting,
you beg me to listen to your whisper as I stand here shouting.

Shadows do their best to stipulate my surroundings,
it’s almost surreal finding myself inside of your self doubting.

With a little bit of luck and heavenly sorting I forgive freely,
resentment rising reminds me that you should choke on your apology.

Satisfaction lacks life as my progression halts, there’s no saving,
an error begins when we end, nothing left to mend is what we’re paving.

I held my breath, counted to ten, and suffocated with ways of how we could start again,
Retreat. Let go. Back pedal. Reset. It’s not the end if we just begin?

I submit to the future, unyielding with its plans and schemes,
pick apart my past, I assure you, not everything is as easy as it seems.

Blossom and bloom, dissolved irrational fears of impending doom.
Your soft touch, an anchor doing nothing but holding me back,
proving to be too much.

Your sweet words, twisted and weaving through the splinters of my soul,
each pull and tug reinforcing and taking hold.

Handfuls of memories tucked neatly in a bag, ***** brown,
the word “recycled” sown into the seams,

It’s then placed in a cupboard, neatly, to remind me of the hate for the oncoming weeks.

There’s a hidden realization pacing forth and back,
it rears its ugly head at the first drop of hesitation.

Melt me down before we finish another thousand miles,
tear away each stepping stone we’ve built, trust built on trials.

You are an array of sunshine, rays bright and blinding,

Rose petals, dark and dying,

pressed between finished oak, a memento to prove that we’re trying.

Smile through pain, situational heartbreak,
conditional grief settles in as minds warp at the thought of how much more it can take.

Smile more, inviting a strangers whisper and a deathless flight,
pitch perfect lullaby, eyes closed on the brink of forever,

mismatched remarks that prove we’ve given up on this life.
Hold me close again, like a hollow promise that changes nothing,

A point of no return that should rectify or lead to something.

You are my sun and my moon,
brightening my day and a reflection of night in the afternoon.

A hanging smile that cripples doubt, catapulting love towards eager ears,
Distressed days, with no mention of completed youth,
heavy  marks, crossing off days and counting down years,
a hanging head reflected in a polished mirror that only speaks truth.

Restrain your disdain as you slowly blow kisses in the wind,
unlatch our hands, let go and slowly unwind so that we can sin again.

I want to smother your smile with words from the wise,
a heartfelt apology that only serves to disguise disgusting lies.

I know that there’s a want, an unexplained need,
it’s so easy for you to just open a hand and watch me feed.

Temptress, oh you make such a lovely noise,
standing still, waiting to strike, so elegantly poised.

Trace each trait of this burning, stable, family tree,
Let’s love what we love and just let each other be.

Hands wringing in tepid anticipation,
marking braver words as a means of simple distraction,
you reel me in with a love long lost, keep me quiet, a beautiful reaction.

I’m just that - your favorite pair of jeans, loose fitting at times when need be,
I’m your favorite worn-out shirt, snug in all the right places with faded colors that beam with familiarity.

I’m your decision - the good, the bad, the in between.
like failing, falling, magnets when the attraction is gone.

I tried to tell myself that it was fine,
Humbled and hollowed at the thought that you’d be mine.

I offered what I had it wasn’t much....it was everything.
I’m like your favorite song that just gets old as shoulders slump and you respond to the chorus cringing.

I’m the least of your worries, the let down was there from the start,
We’re false flames ignited, I’m just a stain mistaken for art.

I’m the deepness, the darkness the choice and your chore,
I’m the writhe, the angst, the agony - a cancer and nothing more.

There’s you. ******* there’s you, shining, wrecked, yet flawless,
I’m every mistake that’s ever been made, ashamed at the power you possess.

I’m your favorite quote, present, and reliable.
I’m a flame extinguished, burned out, a future not quite viable.

I’m your final missing piece, bent and broke,
Sawed off, devoured, with nothing more than missing strokes.

I’m your energy, fainting and forever fleeting,
I’m a backstory. A “what if”. A possibility that you may not ever be needing.

Idle hands do nothing more than hold applause hostage,
it’s just the mirror doing its job by making monsters.

Be smart - aspire, tread lightly when your regrets beck and call,
I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes....there’s no glory before the fall.

You can risk and rack your life to rot,
it’s more a matter of what you’ve lost than what you’ve forgot.

Empty love is what makes matters worse,
a charming smile, flippant demeanor are considered a curse.

I light the lures and reminisce in hopes of remembering the pure,

My discretion is the only thing that signifies my perception.

I’ve witnessed my fair share of waste, memories triggered by that terrible taste.

It was a miracle that moved me, once.

It’s unfair to you. I know this now. It was unfair to you to hope that you made my life matter.

You filed a grievance, there in my leave of absence.

and just like the seconds hand, the horror story played on and on repeat.
It’s never too late, until it is, to retreat, wounds to treat, and admitting defeat.

I picked my poison in you - an earful of harm with a heart that’s armed.
Teach me ways to blindly see, twist and turn the way it used to be,

Rise,army, rise. Trample through truth and extinguish lies.

I loved you in front of a thousand burning suns,
even after repetition and falsehoods burn away, we are the ones.

There’s always been dirt in my life, sticking around like the aftermath of planted flowers,
It’s uncontrolled, contorted, and raw like a superhero who has just discovered powers.

A sweet revenge hidden in the form of unlikely pleasure,
it’s the good in you, as my light snuffs out, against myself that I measure.

I collapsed intentions that once were long thought dead,
There’s only so  many words, and even fewer actions to get you out of my head.

Walk away from the living, they don’t mean much,
shower in the praises of the dying, it’s the way to live, as such.

A foundation of decisions, laid bare at each others thrones,
I could love you, once, as our insecurities have shown.

A peddler of hope, happiness and untarnished dreams,
I swore an oath with you, but not everything is as it seems.

I will never say that I wish we hadn’t met,
there’s something special about rifling through a pocket full of regret.

The future will read about us someday, lifting pages from dusty tomes,
Laughing and enjoying life, until they reach the end - alone.

You’re a brightness, dulled out and drained by doing good,
treading listless through the night, I’d die if I could.

Tears flow freely, I’m sure, as it’s decided to be this loves last stand,
bury your head, hide your face and tell me that it’s too late for hands.

Memories ghosted, thinly veiled, tied together with heartfelt broken strings,
time bombs eating away and brilliant brain cells, persuading unnatural things.

Step up, reset - hold it together so we can predict everything that can destroy,
steadfast, unsteady rise, there’s no use anymore in being coy, just state your ploy.

Intertwining, relentless, ruthless and ever-dividing,
take my hand in yours, suffocate myself to stop the whining.

A solar system crashing and you’re my world that’s ending,
these last days, our final moments, ashamed that this is now pending.

Make me cringe, unloving and precious in a sacrificial way,
they force permanent chalk outlines for the only reason to stay.

Take notes, tabs, apply unending units of measure,
place doubt, exercise caution and fearless when led to blind pleasure.

A passion poisoned by hints of the afterlife,
beguiled by moments, pleasantries turned rife.

Take hold, slipping grasp, mere moments for a chance to last,
Heaven holds its head in my arms, with life gone too fast.

Kaleidoscope impact, vision distorted with a colorful retort,
violence in the form of a multiple choice question as a last resort.

Purchased ignorance, adolescent regression in an unfamiliar form,
thunderous applause, and lightning quick remedy as a pause for the storm.

Vapid beasts with gnashing teeth are leaving bleeding and loving seasons,
hold your anger in, dial down your self-worth beatings,
now, no not ever is the time for petty reasons.

A coward, me, capable of nothing short of cowering in corners,
wetting myself and my whistle,
borrowing hands to cover mouths and their wicked whispers.

A prize, they say, at the end of life’s road,
“be good so you can pass through Heaven’s gate,” we’re told.

But there’s a here. A now. A broken road that needs paving,
I’m a sucker, a sap, a love story who’s final pages need saving.

A guilt cloaked in laughter as a drug to numb the pain,
“Here’s another joke, another laugh” - a distraction tied to my name.

Monsters have migrated towards the center of me, my heart,
pause awareness, crash through well wishes as a renewed start.

Tuck and tug, form me in the shape that your mind sees fit,
I’ll wait for you, a fraction of the time that it takes love to finally quit.

A humming lullaby, quiet storms existing and advancing,
your pleasure is to pursue, dancing around direct questions that I’m asking,
a sophisticated sneer is hidden behind the wall of a smile that you are masking.

Hypocrisy has a hold, burrowed into and making  home in your bones,
dictating orders, a voice shouting ****** as you live life from an unholy throne.

Place trust in-between delicate fingers, grasping, voice rapidly begging “I love you’s,”
let me go, as a parting gift you and yours take turns devouring my soul.

Live a life worth dying for, unsure if there’s anything past death and more,
a savage debate keeps raging, me vs. me as I bring myself closer to war.

Feet failing me now, a shell of myself as I step towards the edge,
my will is your own, shared thoughts of a better place, my pledge.

I scare easily, clinging to life like an Autumn winter leaf begging for change,
I scar easier, letting go of death like a sitting duck that’s just a step out of range.

Protect each precaution, steps in place to ensure victory,
we profess a lineage of love for one another, nothing more contradictory.

Heartbreaks sneak past our outer defenses,
even with all these default love decisions placed as post fences.

Hands clawing through broken dreams and a sunken chest,
take apart my emotions, put them back together, that’s what I hate best.

Like potted plants placed in the shade of life’s yard,
I die a little more each day until life plays its final card.

Stars staggered, making way for something big, something more,
I listen close for whispered words when the shouts go ignored.

A warning, a tremble, a subconscious grievance of time considered,
a time not forgotten by a trusted touch that only you delivered.

A handful of stones unturned,  pleading, rough around the edges,
ourselves a display of dedication to each other, a sign of our pledges.

Let’s close our eyes and gather all of our unused wishes,
cling to hope and do our best to ignore the malicious.

Teeter totter on the blade of passion between death and struggle,
caution poised in the form of living as I expand, and step outside of my bubble.

Stay with me as I empty out my visions to your listening ear,
make me a better me as I admire your reflection, my dear.

You stole it once, my racing, beating, bleeding heart,
now piece it back together as the world’s words tear it apart.

A gruesome view, entitled to let eyes see what they seek,
you use compassion, fits of wonder to restore me, as a way to be unique.

I love the little things that concern you about me,
let’s just stay here, holding on to one another, and let it be.

I’ve been told that dead men don’t tell tales,
but even worse are those that live and scream out truth through their wails.

A bleeding heart stored on the cusp of each evenings glow,
I clap my hands at this life’s end, such a terrible show.

There’s pressure planted at the base of each kings throne,
A different taste, desire and let down for something more homegrown.

A rupture in space through the waves of one heart mimic,
harder and harder to face life’s twists and turns by trying to set unreal limits.

I picture time leaned back, relaxing; testing its own struggle,
A few more breaths, here and there, is what I’m trying to smuggle.

The end of days has a commonality with that of a dial tone,
Both are calling out, trying to be heard, but ultimately die alone.

Evicted emotions are the envy and the end-all of the wax and wane,
forgive and forget so that in the near future you can fall prey to the same.

Disregard feelings like a dusty souvenir sitting on a high shelf pawn shop,
Push on, take names, and whatever you do, never retreat or stop.

Regurgitated fears as I choke back free flowing tears,
taking another crack at your misguided attack has set me back fifteen years.

Using your wit, a bit, you must admit has helped you climb the ladder,
but wholesome, and truthfulness, no, that’s an entirely different matter.

Words forming and frothing at the base of your skull,
hidden there in plain sight, your agenda, rocking to sleep and disrupting this lull.

A mediocre salute, a half-hearted disregard for speech that let this skin shine anew,
a simpler time when batted eyes and vicious curves would encourage chaos to ensue.

Cupped hands make their way towards dead and dying dreams,
spreading flames and fire, the spark of life not quite what it seems.

Like the conscious of a guilty man, decisions heavy, unable to stand,
I’m the supply when the masses have ceased their demand.

Chiseled tongue, making quick work of carved marble and stone,
a thousand summer suns, desperately trying to understand why they are alone.

The hardest of life’s lessons are self taught,
fists raised and ready; the toughest fights are the ones not fought.
.
Tactics taught to fool oneself, belief in the form of a greater good,
“do unto others,” and life will reward you as you think it should.

Disease comes and stays just the same, claiming both the healthy and the lame,
good enough - smart enough - rich enough - sometimes we just aren’t.... enough,
eyes waking to rainy days, a broken joy that’s finally given up,
confidence collides through a whirlwind of regret that follows a family name.

Slipping silently through the night, sticking to shadows and luring the moonlight,
A wishful existence that tastes so miserable, eyes closed, until finally: goodnight.

We’re the sun, blistered and basking - a million years left until we die out,
like a line in the sand, I’m drawn to you, a picturesque subtlety clouds my doubt.

Parting words, like storm-chased crows, shivering, mumbling bitter words about defeat,
there’s a secret word, whispered wishes regarding a life that’s more discreet.

Cautious trail, the tendrils of agony, take a minute to show your hand,
beaming smile, hidden cache of regression, two lies longer, with no legs to stand.

Chomp at the bit, enamored with putting together the pieces of my past,
stick around for awhile longer, I promise that this feeling won’t last.

The constant care of your dagger stare is suddenly no longer there,
decisions, incredible precision in a hundred lifetimes it wouldn’t be fair.

Standards collapse as lies and deceit make a sudden relapse,
pressure hooks its way into the calm, from eating with the king, and now begging for scraps.

A time for living, the here, the now - death detracted, distracted somehow.

Line up, live each life and take a number,
purchase each pleasure, a need for greed before our final slumber.

My fondest memories - hand-picked, and grossly misused,
a million moments with just one lifetime of happiness, that’s slowly abused.

A “final moments” apology, knees shaking, heart bleeding,
begging my essence, my fade out, my slowly closing ears ignoring your pleading,
A realization that came one lifetime too late - it was always you that I was needing.

A box of delicate memories placed at the foot of a rotting bed,
a loving stampede of iron-wrought guilt pounding through my head.

Warnings ignored and systems shocked with awe,
placing careless wagers as teeth clamp down and devour what you saw.

Piercing light that opens the eyes of the blind,
shuttered in, posture slowly never knowing what you’ll find.

Fallen prayers smashing against aging rosaries,
escape to the end, trapped inside with such un-pleasantries.

Thoughts and prayers are offered like a flooding martyr,
“save yourself, while risking nothing,” the words of a choppy waters charter.

We’ve pieced together this creature that we’ll call “beautiful”,
compliments and praise raised them up and come in plentiful.

These words of distrust tear apart the foundation brick by brick,
bleeding out a loving life force that leads one to seem anemic.

You shouted out a curse, meaningless and precise,
the end seems so near, joyful still in a fool’s paradise.

There’s only me in a sea of envious jealously,
there’s nothing there at the end of forever, accepted so readily.

Monsters behaving badly, we as humans, are just that, sadly,
close our eyes, the quiet sleep, as we finally reach our bleak finale.

There’s a level of love buried behind your kind eyes,
a misplaced terrible truth, upended before the lies.

Your touch, a soft warm glow just beyond the tree line,
uncomfortable calm like one plate short at the table where we dine.

A prophet preaching puzzle pieces, forcing unfamiliar edges to fight,
hold my hand, test my heart and know that moments with you are my respite.

My guardian, perched sentry, posted overlord, you - a tale that’s better with age,
a life unkempt, and eyes that haven’t wept, a calm soul that’s never seen rage.

Be a shadow, steal my footfalls, lend a hand when ears bleed red,
forever words, like guided missiles, mean more based on who, or what, was said.

A lack of empty trust, replaced with expert dignity and never-extinguished lust,
our lives intertwined, forsaken, with a gridlock that one can hope will not rust.

You’ve roots placed in the deepest, darkest places of me,
if i’m the “apple of your eye” then you, my dear, would be the tree.

Patience tested, revealed only by the  need for now,
the need to breathe, restored, a resurgence of cascading favors were allowed.

My well being, your welfare, never more than a stones throw from home,
sitting across from a mirror image of happiness, leaving lifeless words in our hearts catacombs.

A charge ruled out, an unwillingness to change,
like us, love them, get through this life turning page by page.

There's a smile buried somewhere, there, in your heart,
let's retrace our steps, rewind, back to the start.

Forever forgiving you were to me, I, persisting,
together at last now, more than simply....existing.

Thoughts turned to words based on what we believe,
the length of time: forever, is what I perceive.

Trusted ties to reveal bolder men's lies,
with you, walls collapse and heartache dies.

An island, you seem, set all alone,
me, your rock, your safety and pillar of stone.

A finger brushes lightly against your face,
your smile reminds me that I'm in the right place.

An ocean of wonder reflecting the brightest stars,
a lifetime of forgiveness, healing our deepest scars.

I searched in myself to help try and find the "me",
how do I prepare myself when it's you that I see?

They say out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks,
that must be why "I love you" is what your ears seek.

Like a shadow in the night, you stole my heart from my chest,
like the fists of a fight, you fought and confessed.

You're the arrow, the fear, the calm before the storm,
you're beautiful, magnificent and love in its truest form.

You're the anger, the strong, the hope that I need,
as each beat of my heart, your name, it bleeds.

I have a death grip on this razor blade against my wrist,

praying to whatever god will listen that I slip, wishing I had a nervous tick.

Then I’d have someone or something else to blame it on so it wouldn’t be my fault.

We’re the salt of the earth?

Being drug behind a stalled out hearse?

A family in disbelief, “There’s no way they’d do this! It must be a mistake!”

Tell me that as I sink deeper into sorrow and produce this smile - so fake.

There’s a lot to learn, an image ingrained which we’ve been told is to help us succeed.

I’m only halfway home and I’ve already halfway loaded the gun,

only a pound of pressure is what’s needed for us to proceed.

Numbers exist to call as a stranger pretends to care,

their eight hour shift almost over so they can delete the buzzing in the air.

I’ve never really wanted toast in the tub until I saw what it could do,

I picture myself, my life, my beginning and my end,
and all I can think about - is you.

You are my beacon, my comfort, the reason I breath,

A piece of fate that’s fallen out of it’s trajectory and landed you with me.

I love you. I love you. I love you. Again, again and again.

But now it’s time to sleep, and hope that the darkness isn’t there or selfish enough for me to keep.